Is it possible for a person to be both everywhere and nowhere at the same time? In a conversation where hashkafa came up, I found it very difficult to say where I stood on anything. I was raised in a Modern Orthodox home, but I understand a lot of more right-wing ideas. I am not Yeshivish, but at the same time, I'm more right-wing than I used to be. So where am I? Of course, it's impossible to put anyone into a box, but even on certain issues which require an opinion, I find it hard to give one.
What do I think about a co-ed environment? Well, I don't know. I understand that it's hard for a co-ed relationship to stay platonic and I totally understand why people would say they don't believe in co-ed, but I also understand the viewpoint that it's somewhat unnatural for guys and girls not to interact at all outside of the dating world. I mean, even blogging is co-ed and I'm alright with that, so does that mean I'm alright with co-ed?
Do I watch TV? I don't know. I hardly ever do but that's more because I'm just uninterested/think TV is a huge waste of time. Do I think there is something religiously wrong about watching TV? I...don't know? I don't think so, but would I care if I grew to believe there was? Maybe not? Maybe?
Do I believe in the Shidduch system? No? Yes? Somewhat? Somewhat not?
I can provide valid reasoning for all sides of these and other issues and because of that, it's hard for me to choose one of these sides. I can find myself agreeing with everyone! Sure, there are certain issues I am passionately opinionated about (like shomer negiah, for example), but a lot of them...I'm still struggling to form my opinion. But how can I ever know which is the right way to go? So many of my beliefs are not real beliefs but are more influences based on who I'm around. I know I've been feeling a subtle shift to the right once I started Stern, especially once I became very close with girls who are more right-wing than I am (I think?). The problem is, I don't know where I am anymore. I'm everywhere, I'm nowhere, I'm floating around in some other plane of existence where I'm somehow outside of everyone else and looking in and observing and agreeing with more than one way of life and not finding anywhere where I belong.