I Have Something To Tell You

...is what Jughead's Hat said to me on Saturday night as we walked into the building of his old high school to get the mp3 player he supposedly left there a few nights before.

"What?" I asked.

He didn't respond until we got into the elevator.

"I need the proper setting. I'm such a ham."

Those lines sounded so familiar, and he said them in this way that sounded like something was about to happen. I felt nervous and a little confused.

We left the elevator and walked into a pitch black auditorium.

"Now THIS is the proper setting!"

His voice rang against the empty hugeness of the room.

What...? My eyes started to slowly adjust to the darkness.

"...Is this from Singin' In The Rain?" I asked.

~~~

The scene (he actually recited the lines):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqsrVQfNYPc

The song (he sang to me!):

I can't express in words what I'm feeling right now. Jughead's Hat is the most amazing person and I'm incredibly lucky to be engaged to him. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

I Am Me

One of the worst feelings is to be dissatisfied with yourself because of an opinion someone else professed about you. Opinions are always buzzing around. You may not even realize it, but every intonation of your voice when speaking about something, every little micro-expression that someone picks up gives off an opinion. Sometimes you may not even be thinking anything near what the person is picking up, but a person is constantly forming conclusions based on what is happening around her.

It can drive a person crazy to always be noticing negative points of view in regards to herself. And many times, those negative opinions exist only in the person's head. For instance, someone might not comment on a post and the writer might then worry that it means the person didn't like the post, or thought the post was stupid. (This is just an example, of course :P). Another example: someone might express displeasure with herself and the listener might not know what to respond. The lack of response does not mean the listener agrees with the worrier's worry, but the worrier might take it as affirmation of what she is worried about.

So many times, people worry about what other people think of them to the point where they assume people think the worst. But the truth is, the person's opinion you should care about more than anyone else's in the world is your own. If there was a totem pole of opinions, yours should be at the top.

That is why I decided to share one of my philosophies of life. It's not an especially novel philosophy, but it's one I find people need reminding of anyway. It's called the "I'm not letting other people define who I am" philosophy. With it comes an understanding that you are who you are, not who other people say that you are. No one has any right to make you feel like someone who you're not.

There are two quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt that I love:

1. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

2. Friendship with one's self is all-important, for without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

About a year ago, I wrote a post on SerandEz about choice that I still love. Everyone has different abilities and, more importantly, different goals and paths in life. What works for one person may not work for another. Each human being approaches every situation a little bit differently. If we didn't have such different points of view, our world would not be able to run. So how can we judge others against ourselves? And on the flip side, how can you judge yourself against others? There is no single frame of reference with which to judge everyone by. You can only judge yourself against yourself, and you shouldn't really be judging others at all.

I don't know who said it, but there's a quote out there that goes:

"Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind, but in the end the race is only with yourself."

There's no reason to let other people make you feel badly about yourself, just like it's foolish to let others praise you into thinking you're better than you actually are. Self-knowledge is the most important kind of wisdom there is, for once you know yourself, you have the groundwork with which to face everyone else.

One of the most important things anyone has said to me are two simple sentences:

"Be yourself" and "Have fun."

Hand in hand, what better approach is there to life? Know yourself and be that person. And never forget to have fun, for I don't believe we were put on this earth to feel miserable. I know the only times I feel miserable about myself are when I let other people influence how I feel about myself.

So have a good night and I hope you all wake up tomorrow ready to be who you really are. And have fun doing it. :)

One Step Forward

It feels like the end of this year signifies a step forward for most people I know. Of my own peer group, we've graduated college. A close friend of mine just got a job. Another close friend of mine is going to have her first baby. Two good friends are getting married this month. My brother is starting YU in the fall. And my sister graduated high school today.

A huge mazel tov goes to Trademark and my cousins Tree and F1 all on their high school graduations.

Trademark graduated from my old high school and it was kind of funny to notice how not much had changed. The girls were different. Hair styles were different. One of the assistant principals was different. But...that was about it.

When Trademark wanted to take a picture with the principal afterward, the principal asked me to be in the picture, too. She wished me luck in figuring out what my next step in life will be, as though not a day had passed since I had been one of her students.

It seems a lot of people get mazel tovs this summer. So mazel tov to you all.

It also seems as though lots of people are taking one distinctive step forward in life. I wish all of you much hatzlacha in all that you will face and, knowing you guys, I know you'll all handle everything with poise, grace, firmness, seriousness, and humor (yes, all of those together). I believe that if you smile at the world, the world will smile back at you. And yet none of you are too frivolous. You take your lives seriously, but with a smile all the same. Kol hakavod and may you continue to be wonderful people and excel at life.

Thoughts and Things I've Learned

More than any other schooling experience, my time at Stern has been a real journey. Through the teachers, the classes, and friends both in and out of school, I have been molded, and perhaps molded myself, into a richer, more mature, more self-assured person.

One of the first things I've had to learn was not to compare myself to anyone else. Someone else's success is not my failure. In fact, it has nothing at all to do with me, even if I did not "get" whatever the other person "got." Regardless of what any other person gets or how far any other person goes in any pursuit, I can only get as far and do as well as my efforts and talents allow.

The more you look at what other people are doing in comparison to what you are doing, the more negative feelings you will conjure up towards that other person. Trust me, it's not at all worth it. Feeling those things won't change anything. All it will do is make you frustrated and annoyed at both the other person and yourself. You'll resent the other person for doing well and you'll resent yourself for not performing to your potential and for feeling resentful towards your friend.

Yeah, it's frustrating not to get as good a grade as you want, especially if a friend does better than you in school. It's disappointing, and even somewhat depressing, to wish to get chosen for something and get passed over in favor of your friend. Such things bring competition into places where there should be none. But when such things happen, instead of looking at yourself and feeling resentful about all you're lacking, it's good to realize that you do have talents and that you have a lot more to go in order to reach your potential.

On that note, you always have the chance to grow more in your talents and stretch out your hand farther towards your potential. A grade is not a brand marking you forever as the limit of your abilities. There is always room and opportunity to strive for higher accomplishments. So you don't succeed today. That's okay. There's always tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year. Or even the next decade. Today might be someone else's moment, but one day it will be yours, too.

Something else I learned is to stand behind my own words. After all, if I don't stand by myself, who will? If I don't feel confident in what I'm saying, why should anyone take me seriously? Or believe in my ability to get anywhere or accomplish anything? If I write disclaimers before all my stories, it means I don't believe in my own writing! Am I going to be afraid of showing myself to the world forever? Or am I going to stand up and be confident that my opinions count, too, and that they're just as valid as anyone else's?

Sometimes people say things about you that aren't necessarily true or super accurate. Sometimes you even say things about yourself that aren't exactly accurate just to please or pacify someone else. But why should you? Why shouldn't you stand true to who you are?

I'm pretty intimidated about leaving the safety of school and stepping out into the "real" world. No matter what anyone says about the difference between the different stages of schooling (elementary, high school, college) or how on your own you are throughout school, there is always, always, always a difference between being in school and not being in school anymore. School is a place we all know by heart. We are all experts on The System. We can hold that system in our hands and mold it like clay to fit our needs. It's a system we've run around in, tripped over, and learned to balance just right. We know where all the lines are and just how far to push them. We know where we stand when we're in school - any school.

But I don't know the system outside of school. I don't know what is expected of me, where the lines are, or if I can even push them a centimeter. School is like a maze that we can feel our way through instinctively until, suddenly, it is not a maze any longer but a series of passages - some that are well known and some that are secret only to ourselves.

The outside world, to me, does not seem like a series of passages at all. From afar, it looks like a vast, seamless ocean of...a lot going on. There are new rules, new lines. It's a totally new game. I feel like I'm being pushed into the middle of a game of capture the flag and I haven't even been told who's on what team.

But the thing is, when you don't know the rules, if you know yourself then that's at least a start. If you don't know yourself or what you're getting into, that's tricky. Then you could be completely molded by whatever choices you make. Of course, you're always going to be somewhat colored by the environment you're in, but having a strong idea of who you are, what you like, what you believe in, what you approve of, what you wish to stay away from...that can help bring some direction, probably. At least - then you won't lose yourself in the vastness of possibilities that are out there. Or, it makes me feel better about it, anyway.

One last thing I'd like to write about here is facing the world with a positive attitude. I have so many friends who either always seem to be in a good mood or who don't let bad things bring them down. I admire them so much for this. Something I'm really working on is not letting things get to me, or get to me enough that it ruins my whole positive perspective on life. I really believe that if you face the world with a smile, the world will smile back. It's just something I have to learn how to do better.

Anyway, I don't mean for this post to hit anyone over the head with lessons. These are merely things that I have found valuable, but of course each person is different and each will find different kinds of inspiration and different ways to bring meaning and purpose into their lives.

And no, that was not a disclaimer. :P

Make Today Matter

You know what I realized?

This may seem obvious, but even when you have a bad day, it's not good to go to bed upset. The idea that, "Well, tomorrow will be better" is a nice one, but why can't today end off well, too? I think you should be happy about having lived each day of your life, even if there are things that happened that day that weren't amazing. I think it would be nice to try and find at least one good thing that happened, or to do something at the end of the day that makes you feel good. I don't mean to be selfish, I mean to try and be happy.

Each of our days is a gift and I don't think we are meant to dismiss days as solely bad, or as a waste of a day. Even if you do waste time, it's good to do at least one productive thing per day, to do at least one thing for someone else, to do at least one thing that makes you feel good about yourself.

Not every day has to be the best day ever. In fact, if every day was, amazing days would become routine and then they wouldn't be special. But each day should still make you feel happy or fulfilled in some small way. You should go to bed at the end of it and be able to say, "Today mattered."

Focusing On The Good

Sometimes it seems like so many horrible things are happening around you and all you can think about is how disturbing and upsetting they are. As someone said to me recently, "bad things seem to come in bunches." It makes the world seem like such a dark place, even though you know it's really not. And you sort of realize that you can't always help make things better or happier, that sometimes things are just bad and there's nothing you can do about it. But that feeling alone is such a bad feeling, too.

It's just very difficult to see family and friends go through tough things and feel like you can't make anything any better because, well, how could you?

During the height of the intifada in Israel, I was in high school. I worked on various school publications and we were always writing about horrible things going on in Israel. It got to the point where another girl and I decided we wanted to start a newsletter devoted only to good news. We never actually did, but I think the idea behind it says something about...something.

Sometimes terrible things happen, but that doesn't mean an end to all good things. It doesn't even mean that good things aren't happening at the same time as the bad. I suppose it's all about what you allow yourself to see. And it's okay to feel happy even if other people are feeling sad.

Surrounded by bad news lately, I wish I had some good news to share. Does anyone else? I have heard some good news lately from various people, actually (interestingly, it's the same piece of news from completely unrelated people), but the more the merrier, you know. The good news I can think of to share is also kinda scary, but...my college graduation is three weeks from Thursday (yikes).

This is a good thing because this week in school I suddenly came down with some Senioritis. And it's exciting to graduate from college. But it's a little frightening because I have no idea what I'm doing once I graduate or where I'm living. So...it's a bit intimidating to leave a comfortable world and step into the unknown. But I am told it is also exciting, so we shall see. :)

In any case, I suppose it's normal to feel completely powerless when it comes to helping other people. You try your best, but sometimes you wish you could give more than is in your power because you feel they might require more. It's uncomfortable to feel like you can do all you can and it still might not really help.

This post could go on forever in circles on the same topic. I think this Calvin and Hobbes pretty much sums it up. I love Calvin and Hobbes. In fact, I'm going to share a fun site with you of Calvin and Hobbes by subject.


I hope you all have a great day and think happy thoughts. The world is a good place, even when terrible things happen - and even when terrible things happen in quick succession.

You know, I think the world would be a fascinating place if there were special effects and dance numbers, don't you? A little too scary to imagine, huh? :)