Everything we feel is born out of the perspective we come from. There is some truth in what everyone feels - even if different people feel contradictory things.
When I was in high school, Stern was seen as the "frum" college choice. When I was in Stern, I met people who came from the opposite end - they came from worlds where Stern (and YU) was seen as a more "modern" college choice. The same Stern and YU.
In certain circles, I hear people complain about YU and how it's growing so much to the right. In other circles, people are afraid of YU shifting too much to the left.
So which is it?
YU (and the CJF) has many different kinds of events: the seforim sale, Torah Tours, etc. Sometimes, YU has events that are more questionable or more "to the left." The Gay Panel was one of those events. Here are my thoughts on the gay panel event.
1. I believe that we have an obligation to be sympathetic to the plights of any of our Jewish brethren. Jewish homosexuals have a particularly difficult struggle in that they can never really get married and have children.
1a. Getting married and having children is only one major aspect of living a Jewish life. Devoting one's self to Torah and to the community can be another. There is more than one way to find meaning in life, and there is more than one way to have a fulfilling Jewish future. That said, I am completely sympathetic to the pain of knowing you will never marry and raise a family.
2. As harsh as this sounds, there is nothing the public Jewish community can do to help homosexuals. All we can do is feel sympathy. We cannot decide to make something halachikly okay when it is clearly not. We cannot turn a blind eye to any halachik transgressions because we feel bad. As R' Twersky said, there is such a thing as having too much sympathy. The more sympathetic a person is, the more that person wants to lessen someone else's pain, and then the more that person might allow certain things to slide that should not. Our sympathy has to remain only in the "feeling sensitive" category, not "feeling so bad that we'll do anything to lessen the other person's pain." We just can't make things okay that are not okay, no matter how badly we feel.
2a. Therefore, a public event like the panel serves a confusing purpose. It brought about some good - I have heard a bunch of people say that they used to not have any feelings towards the homosexual issue and now they feel sympathetic, which is a valuable outcome (if it is a healthy amount of sympathy). It also has the potential to bring about harm - someone might feel that YU is condoning homosexuality, that YU students support homosexuality, and/or that this is just one step forward down a tricky road of possible serious halachik transgressions. Do we really think the subject of homosexuality at YU will remain in the area of just discussing how difficult it is for Orthodox homosexuals? Or is this only the beginning towards a questionable future? I don't know. I don't think anyone can know. It remains to be seen. Am I offended by the event? No. Am I angry it occurred? I wasn't. After reading the notes of R' Reiss's speech, however, I feel his deep sadness that something like arayos needs to be discussed in this manner at YU - a makom Torah. I do find it upsetting that we should need a reminder that such a thing is not allowed. But I also believe that not all the panelists, and certainly not the people who organized the event, or R' Blau, or those who attended the event, ever intended to give off the impression that acting on homosexuality was acceptable. Such a perception grew out of the reactions of those against the panel. Now that this perception exists, however, YU and the Orthodox world must combat the idea that an Orthodox institution could ever condone such a thing, and we all must remind ourselves that no matter how sympathetic we feel, we can never be supportive of actual homosexual behavior.
3. Homosexuality is a private, personal issue. A person dealing with homosexuality 100% should receive guidance and inspiration on how to continue to lead a frum Orthodox life while grappling with this struggle, but that person should be turning to rabbonim, friends, and family for this guidance and support.
Saying homosexuality is a private issue is not the same as sweeping it under the rug. When something is accused of being "swept under the rug," it is when there is something that ought to be exposed and is not. This goes for abuse, molestation, etc. When it comes to homosexuality, there is nothing to expose that is being hidden away. There is no evil we as a community ought to bring out into the open in order to deal with and protect people from. Homosexuality is a personal issue. It involves the person and the people in that person's personal life. Such an intense struggle is something sensitive that ought to be treated as such, not by airing it out for the whole community to hear but by dealing with it discreetly and respectfully. That is also the most productive way to deal with it: the way a person will actually receive the most help and guidance.
4. There has been a lot of outcry about the direction Orthodoxy is headed. Some say it's heading too much to the left, some say too much to the right. I say this: Throughout Jewish history, we as a religious entity have had to deal with various difficult issues. We have survived and survived and survived. And we will survive this, too. Orthodoxy will not disappear and it will not turn into something unrecognizable. Things change all the time, but our core values are always the same. The Torah is truth and that is what guides us. As long as the Torah and halacha is still the focus of how we live our lives, we will be okay. The thing we have to watch out for, which is something that R' Twersky mentioned briefly, is being true to what halachos really are, not reinventing them to make things okay that are not actually okay just because we would like them to be okay.
And that's another thing. We are not entitled to anything we feel like we ought to have. As Orthodox Jews, we should know better than to think that way. This extends far beyond the issue of homosexuality. You know the slogan of Hebrew National - "We answer to a higher authority?" Well, they might not, but we do. We can't forget that there is a higher purpose in life than getting everything we want. As a nation that is kadosh, we have been given specific guidelines for how to live a life of kedusha. We are so lucky that most of us grow up aware we have meaning and a purpose in life. So many people in this world don't have that. We do. We should cherish that and try to live the way we are supposed to.
5. I don't think YU is a bad place. YU is a very good place trying to figure out how to deal with its wide array of students. Perhaps a lot of what they do is for money and image. But I really do think there's this understanding that YU students are a major part of the Orthodox future - certainly the Modern Orthodox future - and the institution tries to cater to the different kinds of students there are. Maybe that is part of the problem. Maybe YU as an institution ought to do some self-reflection and philosophizing, coming up with a real hashkafa that it stands by. If something does not abide by that hashkafa, then YU should not stand behind that thing. Then there will be no, or less, confusion, and YU will not find itself in quite as many situations as this. The argument against that is that YU wants to keep its diverse university face, as well. But I do think lines need to be drawn anyway, while still leaving room for productive intellectual discourse.
I'm just one Stern alum and these are my thoughts.
Showing posts with label yu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yu. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Stepping Forward
Today we moved Straight Man into YU. As we waited for Straight Man to sign in and get his room and student ID, someone came over and put a bright red bracelet on my wrist that said, "Welcome To YU." It was the weirdest thing. I was being welcomed to YU as though I was a guest, except I was just a student in Stern three months ago.
It's bizarre to me that YC and Stern's first day of school is this Wednesday, and I won't be there. Stern was my home for the past four years - it feels like I still belong there!
Every year of our lives, we grow and develop as people. But my time at Stern was where I probably had my biggest growth spurt as a person. So many people think that sort of thing is supposed to happen during your year in Israel. There's that pressure before you go - are you going to "change?" How much are you going to "grow?"
But what does it mean to grow, anyway? I don't think you can go anywhere specifically to grow. I know in all the Israel school interviews, they ask why you're going to Israel and everyone always says, "To grow in my Judaism, to grow as a person..." But you can't plan when and where you're going to develop as a person. My most meaningful growth experiences have been the most ordinary kinds of experiences, and not meant for growth at all. They weren't in any way inspiring. Some of them were quite difficult. I was not on a high. I struggled. I listened. I observed. I learned about others and about myself. And I grew.
I know there is still a lot of growing left for me to do, but I have a feeling it will be of a different kind. Everything about Stern was a kind of dream. Now I feel as though I'm waking up into an unfamiliar place, and I have to get my bearings all over again.Yet enough of that dream has remained with me upon waking, and I will keep it close to me. I don't know where I'm headed now. It's all very much an adventure, I suppose. I just have to learn to stop looking back and concentrate only on moving forward.
But I do miss Stern already, and I can never thank anyone who has been part of that experience enough for what they have given me.
It's bizarre to me that YC and Stern's first day of school is this Wednesday, and I won't be there. Stern was my home for the past four years - it feels like I still belong there!
Every year of our lives, we grow and develop as people. But my time at Stern was where I probably had my biggest growth spurt as a person. So many people think that sort of thing is supposed to happen during your year in Israel. There's that pressure before you go - are you going to "change?" How much are you going to "grow?"
But what does it mean to grow, anyway? I don't think you can go anywhere specifically to grow. I know in all the Israel school interviews, they ask why you're going to Israel and everyone always says, "To grow in my Judaism, to grow as a person..." But you can't plan when and where you're going to develop as a person. My most meaningful growth experiences have been the most ordinary kinds of experiences, and not meant for growth at all. They weren't in any way inspiring. Some of them were quite difficult. I was not on a high. I struggled. I listened. I observed. I learned about others and about myself. And I grew.
I know there is still a lot of growing left for me to do, but I have a feeling it will be of a different kind. Everything about Stern was a kind of dream. Now I feel as though I'm waking up into an unfamiliar place, and I have to get my bearings all over again.Yet enough of that dream has remained with me upon waking, and I will keep it close to me. I don't know where I'm headed now. It's all very much an adventure, I suppose. I just have to learn to stop looking back and concentrate only on moving forward.
But I do miss Stern already, and I can never thank anyone who has been part of that experience enough for what they have given me.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tisha B'av Live Webcast
For those interested, there is a live webcast of kinnos and shiurim given by Rabbi J. J. Schacter going on for a while today (I think it ends at 5:00 for mincha). You can also get there by the link on the YU website.
Have an easy and meaningful fast, everyone.
Have an easy and meaningful fast, everyone.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Starting Out On A Journey
I am officially done with school.
Ever.
(Or maybe not ever, but for now.)
Last night was my last night as the Apple's roommate. In fact, it was my last night as part of TBA (what I nicknamed our apartment on my blog way back in the beginning of the year. I believe it stands for "The Best Apartment" - not very original, I know). But not even, because M.R. had already left.
Last night, the Apple and I talked a bit until we were nearly asleep (that didn't take very long, seeing as we were both exhausted from packing and transporting luggage). When I shut the lamp, I thought to myself, "These last few seconds before I fall asleep are my last few seconds as a member of this apartment. When I wake up in the morning, my time at Stern will really be over." While I was still the Apple's roommate, it was like school was still in session, even though there were no more classes. I was still a part of my Stern experience. Now I'm home for Shabbos and any return to the Stern premises will be as a graduate.
Truthfully, I do have one more night in my apartment at Stern. D2 and I are packing our stuff on motzei Shabbos and leaving Sunday morning. But it will be just us. We will be the last ones to say goodbye to The Apartment.
...And then we, and everyone else, will go on together to the next stage of our lives.
What's both nice and strange at the same time is that we're not saying goodbye to each other. We're going to be seeing each other next year. This is not like the end of the year in Israel when people go off to their respective colleges in various different states or countries or even continents. Those people you really need to say goodbye to. But not my friends now. We're still going to be together in some ways, but...differently. I don't know what it will be like but it doesn't feel lonely.
D2, Chana, SJ, M.R., and the Apple,
This year, there were struggles, triumphs, difficult moments, awesome moments...but you guys have been amazing apartment mates.
At the start of this year, I wrote a post on beginnings. Well, now we're all facing a new kind of beginning. It's the beginning of a path in a completely different walk of life. But I think we're not alone on that path. It's one we don't know well at all, yet we are not walking it in solitude, even as we are also all doing different things next year.
There's a song from the end of the movie Anastasia that I love. It's meant to be a love song really, but I think it can really apply to any sort of close relationship - especially a deep-rooted friendship that will help each of us face whatever journey we have up ahead.
As I step wistfully out of one stage and nervously, but not unhappily, into the next, I take with me everything my time at Stern College for Women has provided me with. In a way, I am the same person I always was, except I'm being that person in a different way. It's slightly confusing. But refreshing, in a way. It's exciting to feel like I can possibly do something important with my life outside of the comfortable school cocoon.
So thank you, Stern College.
This post feels somewhat awkward, but I guess some things are hard to say, let alone say with elegance.
This blog will no longer be the records of a girl in college. Now it will be something else. Perhaps it will be more important to me than ever to write about what happens to me. My life suddenly feels like it's one big surprise.
I suppose we shall see what happens come tomorrow.
Ever.
(Or maybe not ever, but for now.)
Last night was my last night as the Apple's roommate. In fact, it was my last night as part of TBA (what I nicknamed our apartment on my blog way back in the beginning of the year. I believe it stands for "The Best Apartment" - not very original, I know). But not even, because M.R. had already left.
Last night, the Apple and I talked a bit until we were nearly asleep (that didn't take very long, seeing as we were both exhausted from packing and transporting luggage). When I shut the lamp, I thought to myself, "These last few seconds before I fall asleep are my last few seconds as a member of this apartment. When I wake up in the morning, my time at Stern will really be over." While I was still the Apple's roommate, it was like school was still in session, even though there were no more classes. I was still a part of my Stern experience. Now I'm home for Shabbos and any return to the Stern premises will be as a graduate.
Truthfully, I do have one more night in my apartment at Stern. D2 and I are packing our stuff on motzei Shabbos and leaving Sunday morning. But it will be just us. We will be the last ones to say goodbye to The Apartment.
...And then we, and everyone else, will go on together to the next stage of our lives.
What's both nice and strange at the same time is that we're not saying goodbye to each other. We're going to be seeing each other next year. This is not like the end of the year in Israel when people go off to their respective colleges in various different states or countries or even continents. Those people you really need to say goodbye to. But not my friends now. We're still going to be together in some ways, but...differently. I don't know what it will be like but it doesn't feel lonely.
D2, Chana, SJ, M.R., and the Apple,
This year, there were struggles, triumphs, difficult moments, awesome moments...but you guys have been amazing apartment mates.
At the start of this year, I wrote a post on beginnings. Well, now we're all facing a new kind of beginning. It's the beginning of a path in a completely different walk of life. But I think we're not alone on that path. It's one we don't know well at all, yet we are not walking it in solitude, even as we are also all doing different things next year.
There's a song from the end of the movie Anastasia that I love. It's meant to be a love song really, but I think it can really apply to any sort of close relationship - especially a deep-rooted friendship that will help each of us face whatever journey we have up ahead.
As I step wistfully out of one stage and nervously, but not unhappily, into the next, I take with me everything my time at Stern College for Women has provided me with. In a way, I am the same person I always was, except I'm being that person in a different way. It's slightly confusing. But refreshing, in a way. It's exciting to feel like I can possibly do something important with my life outside of the comfortable school cocoon.
So thank you, Stern College.
This post feels somewhat awkward, but I guess some things are hard to say, let alone say with elegance.
This blog will no longer be the records of a girl in college. Now it will be something else. Perhaps it will be more important to me than ever to write about what happens to me. My life suddenly feels like it's one big surprise.
I suppose we shall see what happens come tomorrow.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Graduation
In a few minutes, SJ, the Apple, and I are going to be leaving for our graduation.
For the past few days, I've been thinking about what I would write on the day of graduation, and nothing too inspiring came to mind. I thought about writing a parody to the Les Miserables song, "One Day More" (as some of my friends and I used to do when there was one day left of something), but it seemed a bit silly. Then again, perhaps it's worth being silly about graduation?
Nah.
Then I thought about linking to some posts I wrote recently about growth and maturity. But that seemed overreaching, a bit. I don't want to write something too heavy or overly deep (or too cliche). I'm not valedictorian or anything. :P
So I figure I'll just write, simply, that today is graduation, and that after today I will be a ceremonial graduate of Yeshiva University - but not a real one quite yet because my finals don't start until Sunday (isn't that mean?).
Mazal tov, Class of 2009!
For the past few days, I've been thinking about what I would write on the day of graduation, and nothing too inspiring came to mind. I thought about writing a parody to the Les Miserables song, "One Day More" (as some of my friends and I used to do when there was one day left of something), but it seemed a bit silly. Then again, perhaps it's worth being silly about graduation?
Nah.
Then I thought about linking to some posts I wrote recently about growth and maturity. But that seemed overreaching, a bit. I don't want to write something too heavy or overly deep (or too cliche). I'm not valedictorian or anything. :P
So I figure I'll just write, simply, that today is graduation, and that after today I will be a ceremonial graduate of Yeshiva University - but not a real one quite yet because my finals don't start until Sunday (isn't that mean?).
Mazal tov, Class of 2009!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Freilichen Purim And Happy Birthday (Again)!
A few weeks ago, I wished a happy birthday to my little brother Mavis. The thing is...it's his birthday again!
Mavis, as I mentioned in the earlier post, was born on Purim. I already wrote about what it was like the day he was born. But I didn't go into much detail about his bar mitzvah, which we celebrated on his actual birthday - Purim.
He read megillah that morning in shul (and was amazing. I'm not just saying that because I'm his sister. People came up to us afterward and asked why my brother wasn't in the Yeshiva Boys Choir) and afterward he was having a party (costumes optional) about two minutes away. Various boys (Straight Man's friends mostly) were driving Mavis's friends from shul to the party. In fact, everyone was so concerned about getting all the guests there...we all sort of forgot that Mavis needed a ride, as well. I guess everyone assumed he'd be getting there somehow - that it wasn't up to them to figure out how. After all, he was the bar mitzvah boy, right?
Mavis ended up having to go over to another one of the guests who hadn't left shul yet and asking if he could please have a ride to his bar mitzvah.
The party itself was majorly fun, especially since my family was all dressed up in period costumess (colonial and stuff).
The chagiga tonight was also really fun. Highlights were:
I sort of love it when people dress up as random things from Tanach. I think it's hilarious and so clever.
On the bus ride back, I discovered that I do have the abilitiy to sit next to a random person and talk. So I am not hopeless in social situations, after all! How relieving. (Joke.)
Also - I'm going to Israel tomorrow (what?!). For a wedding. I know, it's random and kinda weird and I'm missing two days of school and coming back to two midterms and a senior thesis, but what can you do? When a best friend from childhood gets married, everything else seems to get put on hold. Sort of. Not as much when it's in a different country across the ocean and you sort of aren't really sure that it's actually happening and won't be sure until after it's over when you say to yourself, "...Whoa. Was I just in Israel?" And even then, you're still not sure. Best to take pictures so you can prove it to yourself.
This post is random enough, I might as well end it with a Purim Torah joke. I used to know lots of these because the Rabbi of my fourth grade class gave us a whole sheet of them, but I only remember a few and only one of those that I remember is actually funny (in my opinion. Not laugh out loud funny. Just cute. They're all rather groan-worthy, really).
How do you know that Vashti was fat?*
In sixth grade, I remember we made fun of the Purim tape by going around saying in squeaky, whiny voices, "Vashtiiii...bring me a cup of caw-fee...!!!"
Anyway, I must go to sleep now, but happy birthday (again) to Mavis and a Purim Sameach to all my readers!!! That includes the lurkers, too! :)
*'Cause Vashti astah mishteh nashim! (Vashti was made of two women! [the real translation is Vashti made a feast for women])
Mavis, as I mentioned in the earlier post, was born on Purim. I already wrote about what it was like the day he was born. But I didn't go into much detail about his bar mitzvah, which we celebrated on his actual birthday - Purim.
He read megillah that morning in shul (and was amazing. I'm not just saying that because I'm his sister. People came up to us afterward and asked why my brother wasn't in the Yeshiva Boys Choir) and afterward he was having a party (costumes optional) about two minutes away. Various boys (Straight Man's friends mostly) were driving Mavis's friends from shul to the party. In fact, everyone was so concerned about getting all the guests there...we all sort of forgot that Mavis needed a ride, as well. I guess everyone assumed he'd be getting there somehow - that it wasn't up to them to figure out how. After all, he was the bar mitzvah boy, right?
Mavis ended up having to go over to another one of the guests who hadn't left shul yet and asking if he could please have a ride to his bar mitzvah.
The party itself was majorly fun, especially since my family was all dressed up in period costumess (colonial and stuff).
The chagiga tonight was also really fun. Highlights were:
- A girl wearing a sign that said, "Bernie Madoff stole my costume."
- A girl dressed up as a michlala girl - humongous poof and all.
- Zimri and Kozbi (that one was a little bit gross).
I sort of love it when people dress up as random things from Tanach. I think it's hilarious and so clever.
On the bus ride back, I discovered that I do have the abilitiy to sit next to a random person and talk. So I am not hopeless in social situations, after all! How relieving. (Joke.)
Also - I'm going to Israel tomorrow (what?!). For a wedding. I know, it's random and kinda weird and I'm missing two days of school and coming back to two midterms and a senior thesis, but what can you do? When a best friend from childhood gets married, everything else seems to get put on hold. Sort of. Not as much when it's in a different country across the ocean and you sort of aren't really sure that it's actually happening and won't be sure until after it's over when you say to yourself, "...Whoa. Was I just in Israel?" And even then, you're still not sure. Best to take pictures so you can prove it to yourself.
This post is random enough, I might as well end it with a Purim Torah joke. I used to know lots of these because the Rabbi of my fourth grade class gave us a whole sheet of them, but I only remember a few and only one of those that I remember is actually funny (in my opinion. Not laugh out loud funny. Just cute. They're all rather groan-worthy, really).
How do you know that Vashti was fat?*
In sixth grade, I remember we made fun of the Purim tape by going around saying in squeaky, whiny voices, "Vashtiiii...bring me a cup of caw-fee...!!!"
Anyway, I must go to sleep now, but happy birthday (again) to Mavis and a Purim Sameach to all my readers!!! That includes the lurkers, too! :)
*'Cause Vashti astah mishteh nashim! (Vashti was made of two women! [the real translation is Vashti made a feast for women])
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Reflections On A Visit To The YU Sefarim Sale
There is a strange phenomenon that spurts up after not having been around large amounts of guys since I was thirteen. The last time I was in a building filled with guys around my own age, I was in eighth grade and the boys were all still little. At the sefarim sale, I was suddenly hyper conscious of every single guy in the room. It was like having a sixth sense for all people of the male gender. I tried to focus on looking at books, but half the time I was glancing up to see what the boys were looking at.
No, stop, no, look at the sefarim. Look - there's one on hilchos muktzah.
I have to say that hilchos muktzah was the farthest thing from my mind at that moment and I only picked it up to give myself something to do. I glanced at the back without even reading it before returning the book to its pile. And here - a boy putting something on the table right next to me! I turned to look and it took me a moment - The Art Of The Date...? That's a book? (Alright, if it wasn't exactly that title, it was something very much like it). I glanced at the surrounding piles. They were all about dating. There was an entire table devoted to books about dating!
I hurried away from that section. Okay, okay, focus. Over there - The Rav! Those are good books to look at!
Eventually I managed to forget (mostly) that there were many males in the room. But it was hard. It was new. I wasn't used to it at all.
After the sefarim sale, D2, M.R., and I went to the C-Store on the guys' campus. That was even worse. It was filled with guys. And this was really actually on their territory - as opposed to the sefarim sale which isn't as much. I felt claustrophobic. They were guys scuffling and joking and - and - not much room for a shy Stern girl and her friends to look around and be awed by the fact that the guys have an actual store on their campus.
I'm not this nervous on dates. I'm really not. But it was rather interesting to notice the effect not being around guys has on a girl. I think when you primarily only see guys in the capacity of "is he someone I can marry?" then you don't know what to do with yourself, or them, when there are many of them at once, most of whom are not people you would conceivably marry. And it's not like I live in an all-girls cocoon either. I'm just not used to large quantities of eligible guys at once.
I suppose it was just strange to suddenly feel like I was in a co-ed school.
Ya know...after this post, I suddenly don't really feel so shtark anymore for having gone to the sefarim sale. It sounds like I was more aware of the guys than I was of the sefarim.
No, stop, no, look at the sefarim. Look - there's one on hilchos muktzah.
I have to say that hilchos muktzah was the farthest thing from my mind at that moment and I only picked it up to give myself something to do. I glanced at the back without even reading it before returning the book to its pile. And here - a boy putting something on the table right next to me! I turned to look and it took me a moment - The Art Of The Date...? That's a book? (Alright, if it wasn't exactly that title, it was something very much like it). I glanced at the surrounding piles. They were all about dating. There was an entire table devoted to books about dating!
I hurried away from that section. Okay, okay, focus. Over there - The Rav! Those are good books to look at!
Eventually I managed to forget (mostly) that there were many males in the room. But it was hard. It was new. I wasn't used to it at all.
After the sefarim sale, D2, M.R., and I went to the C-Store on the guys' campus. That was even worse. It was filled with guys. And this was really actually on their territory - as opposed to the sefarim sale which isn't as much. I felt claustrophobic. They were guys scuffling and joking and - and - not much room for a shy Stern girl and her friends to look around and be awed by the fact that the guys have an actual store on their campus.
I'm not this nervous on dates. I'm really not. But it was rather interesting to notice the effect not being around guys has on a girl. I think when you primarily only see guys in the capacity of "is he someone I can marry?" then you don't know what to do with yourself, or them, when there are many of them at once, most of whom are not people you would conceivably marry. And it's not like I live in an all-girls cocoon either. I'm just not used to large quantities of eligible guys at once.
I suppose it was just strange to suddenly feel like I was in a co-ed school.
Ya know...after this post, I suddenly don't really feel so shtark anymore for having gone to the sefarim sale. It sounds like I was more aware of the guys than I was of the sefarim.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Where are our standards?
It has come to my attention that in the desire to seem professional, student activities might forget that they are student activities. The outcry of, "but in the professional world, that's just how it's done" or "but that's so not professional!" brings out little sympathy from me, seeing as we are not in the professional world yet and to behave in accordance with the professional world does not always work with student run activities and publications. There are different morals and ethics involved, as well as different factors that go into making these things run.
For example, I totally and completely believe that the people who did sound and light and set and props and costume in the Stern play should have come out at curtain call. These people gave up a lot of their time and effort in order to make the actors and the show look good and to acknowledge them only in the playbill is an insult. "But it's not professional," you might claim. Perhaps not, but then again, this is a student production. As someone mentioned to me recently - in the professional world, those backstage people would be making a lot more money than the actors on stage, so they would certainly be compensated for all their time and hard work, not to mention the feeling of being snapped at or bossed around by overly stressed actors. But in a student production, are the backstage people being paid? No. They get their name in a playbill and that's it. A poor repayment. Their talents and efforts are being showcased as much as the actors' are and yet they don't get the same acknowledgment and applause. And the argument of, "but no one would know who they were!" doesn't phase me, either. Either an actor or the director or the stage manager should get on stage and introduce them. It just bothers me that people will give up their time and energy to something and then they don't get to shine as much as the actors. This is a student production. No one is getting paid, no one is even getting school credit! They should at least get the applause and recognition they deserve (and thanking them as an afterthought is just patronizing).
Another example - this post by Chana about the Commentator's Purim issue where they publicly humiliated a girl just because she wrote a rather over-the-top letter (but a serious letter from her part, nonetheless) to the Observer. I know that no one is making the argument that in the professional world, such behavior goes on all the time, but I am anticipating that argument because it is the only one anybody can have against Chana's point. Humiliation may be acceptable in the professional world, but it should not be acceptable in a student publication. As much as we would like to mimic "real" newspapers (I put 'real' in quotes because a student paper is still real), we have to remember that we are still a student paper and must behave as such. We have ethics that other papers may not have. We have to respect the students of our school. Humiliating someone goes against the principles of the Torah - where humiliating someone is like killing them - and therefore goes against the principles of YU. It is completely unacceptable, even in a Purim joke issue.
Where are our standards, you guys?
For example, I totally and completely believe that the people who did sound and light and set and props and costume in the Stern play should have come out at curtain call. These people gave up a lot of their time and effort in order to make the actors and the show look good and to acknowledge them only in the playbill is an insult. "But it's not professional," you might claim. Perhaps not, but then again, this is a student production. As someone mentioned to me recently - in the professional world, those backstage people would be making a lot more money than the actors on stage, so they would certainly be compensated for all their time and hard work, not to mention the feeling of being snapped at or bossed around by overly stressed actors. But in a student production, are the backstage people being paid? No. They get their name in a playbill and that's it. A poor repayment. Their talents and efforts are being showcased as much as the actors' are and yet they don't get the same acknowledgment and applause. And the argument of, "but no one would know who they were!" doesn't phase me, either. Either an actor or the director or the stage manager should get on stage and introduce them. It just bothers me that people will give up their time and energy to something and then they don't get to shine as much as the actors. This is a student production. No one is getting paid, no one is even getting school credit! They should at least get the applause and recognition they deserve (and thanking them as an afterthought is just patronizing).
Another example - this post by Chana about the Commentator's Purim issue where they publicly humiliated a girl just because she wrote a rather over-the-top letter (but a serious letter from her part, nonetheless) to the Observer. I know that no one is making the argument that in the professional world, such behavior goes on all the time, but I am anticipating that argument because it is the only one anybody can have against Chana's point. Humiliation may be acceptable in the professional world, but it should not be acceptable in a student publication. As much as we would like to mimic "real" newspapers (I put 'real' in quotes because a student paper is still real), we have to remember that we are still a student paper and must behave as such. We have ethics that other papers may not have. We have to respect the students of our school. Humiliating someone goes against the principles of the Torah - where humiliating someone is like killing them - and therefore goes against the principles of YU. It is completely unacceptable, even in a Purim joke issue.
Where are our standards, you guys?
Monday, February 11, 2008
Pet Peeves about Stern
Ah, pet peeves time. I have oh so many. I'm sorry for using this as a venting table, but I just need to get these rantings off my chest.
Problematic things at Stern College for Knowledge:
1. Security guards who see students as guilty until proven innocent. I'm sorry, but it is inexcusable to shout at a girl running into the building late for class who SHOWS HER ID, "EXCUSE ME, MISS! ID! WHERE IS YOUR ID! I STILL DON'T SEE IT. COME BACK AND SHOW ME YOUR ID!"
Even for a girl who does not have her ID out, there is a polite way to say, "ID please?" and there is an obnoxious way to bark out, "UH, ID, MISS!"
And, I'm sorry, when someone's PARENT comes into the building, KAL VACHOMER YOU SHOULD NOT START GETTING OBNOXIOUS. WHAT KIND OF IMAGE ARE YOU SHOWING THE WORLD ABOUT THE WAY YESHIVA UNIVERSITY STAFF BEHAVES?
Besides the fact, going back to the students, it's just utterly ridiculous that student IDs are what the security guards are going bonkers about. Of course they need to see everyone's ID, but they don't have to lose their hats over it! YOU SEE ME EVERY. DAY. Stern is not THAT big that people are not recognizable. Honestly, most Stern girls I RECOGNIZE even if I don't KNOW them. Why? Because I SEE THEM AROUND. SECURITY GUARDS - YOU SEE ME EVERY SINGLE DAY MULTIPLE TIMES.
2. Librarians who make you feel like you're wasting their time just because you ask them to do their job.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP GIRLS OUT IN THE LIBRARY WHEN THEY NEED HELP, THEN DON'T BE A SCHOOL LIBRARIAN.
3. Le Bistro closing at three on Thursdays and the regular caf not opening until five. There should not be two hours where absolutely nothing is open food-wise, especially at that time in the day. ESPECIALLY because 3:00 is right when a class ends so someone who has a class in that time slot (which is a pretty popular slot, too) and hadn't had a chance to get lunch at 1:45 will be messed up food-wise. And if they are going somewhere on Thursday and leaving before the caf opens for dinner, they may not eat for a WHILE. I know seems like a trifle, but it's much more annoying and inconvenient than it sounds. I know this, because I can't even count how many times I hadn't had a chance to get real lunch in between my classes and had forgotten that Le Bistro closes at three on Thursdays and had been left with no lunch. That should never happen. Le Bistro should be open until five, when the other caf opens for dinner, or even until 3:30 or 4, just to give people who have class until 3 some time to get something to eat!
4. MEAN, OBNOXIOUS, ATROCIOUS COMPUTER LADY. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BEING ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING TO GIRLS WHO HAVE HARMLESS, CLOSED WATER BOTTLES THEY ARE NOT EVEN DRINKING IN THE COMPUTER LAB. AND I'M SORRY, IF I PUT A WATER BOTTLE UNDER THE DESK AND IT IS CLOSED, IT WILL NOT SPILL ON THE COMPUTER. I PROMISE. YOU CANNOT ASK GIRLS TO JUST LEAVE THINGS LIKE WATER BOTTLES IN THE HALLWAY. THAT IS BASICALLY ASKING THEM TO THROW THEIR WATER BOTTLES (OR OTHER HARMLESS FOOD ITEMS) AWAY. THAT IS NOT FAIR.
5. This is not a complaint but more of a suggestion. Some classes have Angel accounts and the teacher emails the class when she will be absent and class is canceled. This is a very wonderful and beautiful thing and should be replicated by ALL teachers. It is a bit annoying to get up for class and go all the way to the school building to find out that your class is canceled. To those idealistic people out there, you might be thinking, "what's the big deal? It gets you out of your dorm! I don't think that's bad at all!" But think about all those times you went to sleep too late and then woke up with your eyes HURTING from lack of sleep and your body ACHING and all you want to do is go back to bed. Or how about if it's raining or freezing or snowing outside and you just don't want to leave your dorm if you don't have to? There should be a way for teachers to either email their class or post on the YU website if class is canceled. I know the option exists, but many teachers don't use Angel. I think it should be made mandatory. Or at least strongly suggested.
6. The Stern library needs a MUCH BETTER SELECTION OF BOOKS. ESPECIALLY FOR BOOKS THAT ARE BEING TAUGHT IN CLASSES THAT SEMESTER. THERE IS NO REASON WHY A GIRL SHOULD HAVE TO ORDER A BOOK FOR CLASS FROM UPTOWN.
Aaaaanyway, enough complaining! I feel so much better now! Thanks for listening/reading!
Problematic things at Stern College for Knowledge:
1. Security guards who see students as guilty until proven innocent. I'm sorry, but it is inexcusable to shout at a girl running into the building late for class who SHOWS HER ID, "EXCUSE ME, MISS! ID! WHERE IS YOUR ID! I STILL DON'T SEE IT. COME BACK AND SHOW ME YOUR ID!"
Even for a girl who does not have her ID out, there is a polite way to say, "ID please?" and there is an obnoxious way to bark out, "UH, ID, MISS!"
And, I'm sorry, when someone's PARENT comes into the building, KAL VACHOMER YOU SHOULD NOT START GETTING OBNOXIOUS. WHAT KIND OF IMAGE ARE YOU SHOWING THE WORLD ABOUT THE WAY YESHIVA UNIVERSITY STAFF BEHAVES?
Besides the fact, going back to the students, it's just utterly ridiculous that student IDs are what the security guards are going bonkers about. Of course they need to see everyone's ID, but they don't have to lose their hats over it! YOU SEE ME EVERY. DAY. Stern is not THAT big that people are not recognizable. Honestly, most Stern girls I RECOGNIZE even if I don't KNOW them. Why? Because I SEE THEM AROUND. SECURITY GUARDS - YOU SEE ME EVERY SINGLE DAY MULTIPLE TIMES.
2. Librarians who make you feel like you're wasting their time just because you ask them to do their job.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP GIRLS OUT IN THE LIBRARY WHEN THEY NEED HELP, THEN DON'T BE A SCHOOL LIBRARIAN.
3. Le Bistro closing at three on Thursdays and the regular caf not opening until five. There should not be two hours where absolutely nothing is open food-wise, especially at that time in the day. ESPECIALLY because 3:00 is right when a class ends so someone who has a class in that time slot (which is a pretty popular slot, too) and hadn't had a chance to get lunch at 1:45 will be messed up food-wise. And if they are going somewhere on Thursday and leaving before the caf opens for dinner, they may not eat for a WHILE. I know seems like a trifle, but it's much more annoying and inconvenient than it sounds. I know this, because I can't even count how many times I hadn't had a chance to get real lunch in between my classes and had forgotten that Le Bistro closes at three on Thursdays and had been left with no lunch. That should never happen. Le Bistro should be open until five, when the other caf opens for dinner, or even until 3:30 or 4, just to give people who have class until 3 some time to get something to eat!
4. MEAN, OBNOXIOUS, ATROCIOUS COMPUTER LADY. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BEING ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING TO GIRLS WHO HAVE HARMLESS, CLOSED WATER BOTTLES THEY ARE NOT EVEN DRINKING IN THE COMPUTER LAB. AND I'M SORRY, IF I PUT A WATER BOTTLE UNDER THE DESK AND IT IS CLOSED, IT WILL NOT SPILL ON THE COMPUTER. I PROMISE. YOU CANNOT ASK GIRLS TO JUST LEAVE THINGS LIKE WATER BOTTLES IN THE HALLWAY. THAT IS BASICALLY ASKING THEM TO THROW THEIR WATER BOTTLES (OR OTHER HARMLESS FOOD ITEMS) AWAY. THAT IS NOT FAIR.
5. This is not a complaint but more of a suggestion. Some classes have Angel accounts and the teacher emails the class when she will be absent and class is canceled. This is a very wonderful and beautiful thing and should be replicated by ALL teachers. It is a bit annoying to get up for class and go all the way to the school building to find out that your class is canceled. To those idealistic people out there, you might be thinking, "what's the big deal? It gets you out of your dorm! I don't think that's bad at all!" But think about all those times you went to sleep too late and then woke up with your eyes HURTING from lack of sleep and your body ACHING and all you want to do is go back to bed. Or how about if it's raining or freezing or snowing outside and you just don't want to leave your dorm if you don't have to? There should be a way for teachers to either email their class or post on the YU website if class is canceled. I know the option exists, but many teachers don't use Angel. I think it should be made mandatory. Or at least strongly suggested.
6. The Stern library needs a MUCH BETTER SELECTION OF BOOKS. ESPECIALLY FOR BOOKS THAT ARE BEING TAUGHT IN CLASSES THAT SEMESTER. THERE IS NO REASON WHY A GIRL SHOULD HAVE TO ORDER A BOOK FOR CLASS FROM UPTOWN.
Aaaaanyway, enough complaining! I feel so much better now! Thanks for listening/reading!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Bones to pick
Stern has bones to pick with YC, YC has bones to pick with Stern...everybody everywhere has a bone to pick with one thing or another. But there is a proper way to pick a bone and then there is just plain whining. Here is an example of a proper way to pick a bone:
In the article "YC Men Inconvenience SCW Women" in the October 22, 2007 edition of The Observer, a disgruntled Stern student explains the frustrations of Stern women who make their way uptown to an event where the attendants are mostly female. Many events which take place uptown on the Wilf campus are situated there in order to make it easier for the Yeshiva College men to attend the events, especially seeing as they have night seder and classes which run late and may not have time to both end class and come to the Beren campus in midtown. However, it came to the author of the article's attention (as well as to the attention of many other inconvenienced young women) that even when the events are held uptown, very few YC men actually make an appearance. Therefore, she decided on an ultimatum: either the guys start showing up or these events should be held at Stern. Now, this is not a threat. It is not a punishment. It is not a, "you'd better come or else." No. It is merely a logical resolution to a pressing problem. It is not necessarily a bad thing if the YC guys choose to stay in the Beit Midrash instead of attending events. It is not a problem if they are too tired after a long day to go anywhere other than their dorm rooms. No one is criticizing that. But if that is the case, then why are we trying to convenience a population which has no intention of taking advantage of being convenienced? If, for whatever reason, YC guys don't show up to events, then why should Stern young women trek all the way uptown at night when they could just as well have the events on the Beren campus and that'll be that? It isn't like many guys are showing up anyway and the ones who feel passionate about going will be able to find the time to make their way down to Stern. This is a logical argument, a logical resolution, and done in a mature but convincing way.
Here is an example of just plain whining:
In the most recent issue of The Observer which came out only a few days ago, a letter to the Editor read as follows:
Indicting the men, was she? Since when did the author of the article ever say that men learning in night seder was bad? She merely said that since they have night seder, they cannot make it to events, which makes it rather pointless to inconvenience Stern women on their behalf. In addition, she was responding to the attitude of some YC guys at the Torah Tours event which was specifically scheduled after night seder who thumbed their noses at the fact that many Stern women showed up to the event, assuming they had come to meet guys. Do the men at YC really think this is the motivation for Stern women being involved in their school and in outreach and chessed events? Is their opinion of us so low?
And, by the way, many Stern classes most certainly do go past 4:00 p.m. There are classes available to be taken in Stern starting from 9 in the morning (or maybe even earlier) until 7:30 at night. And yes, there is a lot of work and a lot of pounding headaches going around. We'll all play our violins for the YC guys and their rigorous schedules, but we have rigorous schedules, as well. And many Stern women also have jobs and internships on the side. Just like YC men are busy, so are Stern women.
The intention of the Observer article was not to knock night seder, like the letter suggests. It was to come to a resolution concerning the fact that the reality is that way more girls than guys show up to events held uptown and it is pointless to inconvenience the majority of attendants at an event when it can just be moved to Beren campus. The author of the article's solution does, in fact, solve the issue - or, at least, the issue that the article is raising. The writer of the letter raises another issue, which is why are there so few YC men attending YU events and can this be changed? That issue is for a different article and is a different discussion. This article is merely about the events themselves and how to make them most accessible and convenient to the people actually attending them.
So this is my bone to pick: stop whining. It only makes you seem really immature. And if the whining didn't do it, the last line of the letter most certainly did.
In the article "YC Men Inconvenience SCW Women" in the October 22, 2007 edition of The Observer, a disgruntled Stern student explains the frustrations of Stern women who make their way uptown to an event where the attendants are mostly female. Many events which take place uptown on the Wilf campus are situated there in order to make it easier for the Yeshiva College men to attend the events, especially seeing as they have night seder and classes which run late and may not have time to both end class and come to the Beren campus in midtown. However, it came to the author of the article's attention (as well as to the attention of many other inconvenienced young women) that even when the events are held uptown, very few YC men actually make an appearance. Therefore, she decided on an ultimatum: either the guys start showing up or these events should be held at Stern. Now, this is not a threat. It is not a punishment. It is not a, "you'd better come or else." No. It is merely a logical resolution to a pressing problem. It is not necessarily a bad thing if the YC guys choose to stay in the Beit Midrash instead of attending events. It is not a problem if they are too tired after a long day to go anywhere other than their dorm rooms. No one is criticizing that. But if that is the case, then why are we trying to convenience a population which has no intention of taking advantage of being convenienced? If, for whatever reason, YC guys don't show up to events, then why should Stern young women trek all the way uptown at night when they could just as well have the events on the Beren campus and that'll be that? It isn't like many guys are showing up anyway and the ones who feel passionate about going will be able to find the time to make their way down to Stern. This is a logical argument, a logical resolution, and done in a mature but convincing way.
Here is an example of just plain whining:
In the most recent issue of The Observer which came out only a few days ago, a letter to the Editor read as follows:
To the Editors,
RE: "YC Men Inconvenience Stern Women." While I take issue with many aspects of [author's name]'s extreme opinion as to how to handle the low attendance of men at co-ed YU events, I have two fairly objective arguments to make regarding her strong "ultimatum," as she so eloquently puts it.
First of all, to the best of my understanding, for the most part, classes in SCW and SSSB rarely go past 4 p.m., if that far at all. To finish classes any earlier than 6:30 p.m. on the Wilf campus, however, is an extreme rarity. Even my own schedule, which allows me to finish at 4:15 p.m. on Tuesdays has me going to 7:45 p.m. on Mondays and Wednesdays. The point is, to complain about "vast oceans of homework and a pounding headache," whilc you have a tremendous amount of free time in which to do your work and unwind and do whatever it is you do to reach your work/play equilibrium, the men do not. The only time to actually do work at all is starting at 8 p.m., and that is only if you don't go to night seder, which brings me to my second point.
While knocking night seder seems to have become the latest fad at YU, it is still something integral to the Yeshiva part of Yeshiva University. Now, the balance of Yeshiva and University is in and of itself a very hot topic, which would not be very objective of me to discuss. However, the only time an event was pushed off until after night seder was for Torah Tours, which: a) featured a large male population, majority or not; b) needed to accomodate the men, who play a central role in helping communities on Yom Tov. Unfortunately, women cannot read from the Torah, daven for the amud, or count towards a minyan, three essential Torah Tours objectives. So by default, the men are catered to.
I am not trying to criticize the fact that the programs are planned during night seder, rather, that there may be a fairly reasonable basis as to the lack of male attendance at such programs. The attendance issue isn't a fact that should be embraced by transferring all programs downtown, but rather a product of causality.
I think that [author's name] is very quick to indict the men without thinking of the other point of view, and is especially quick to offer a solution that clearly does not solve the issue.
Oh, and last but not least, I have never seen a YU guy look as nerdy as the one in that comic. Come on, that is real Stern propaganda.
Indicting the men, was she? Since when did the author of the article ever say that men learning in night seder was bad? She merely said that since they have night seder, they cannot make it to events, which makes it rather pointless to inconvenience Stern women on their behalf. In addition, she was responding to the attitude of some YC guys at the Torah Tours event which was specifically scheduled after night seder who thumbed their noses at the fact that many Stern women showed up to the event, assuming they had come to meet guys. Do the men at YC really think this is the motivation for Stern women being involved in their school and in outreach and chessed events? Is their opinion of us so low?
And, by the way, many Stern classes most certainly do go past 4:00 p.m. There are classes available to be taken in Stern starting from 9 in the morning (or maybe even earlier) until 7:30 at night. And yes, there is a lot of work and a lot of pounding headaches going around. We'll all play our violins for the YC guys and their rigorous schedules, but we have rigorous schedules, as well. And many Stern women also have jobs and internships on the side. Just like YC men are busy, so are Stern women.
The intention of the Observer article was not to knock night seder, like the letter suggests. It was to come to a resolution concerning the fact that the reality is that way more girls than guys show up to events held uptown and it is pointless to inconvenience the majority of attendants at an event when it can just be moved to Beren campus. The author of the article's solution does, in fact, solve the issue - or, at least, the issue that the article is raising. The writer of the letter raises another issue, which is why are there so few YC men attending YU events and can this be changed? That issue is for a different article and is a different discussion. This article is merely about the events themselves and how to make them most accessible and convenient to the people actually attending them.
So this is my bone to pick: stop whining. It only makes you seem really immature. And if the whining didn't do it, the last line of the letter most certainly did.
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