What's Bad For Shidduchim Might Be Good For Future Olim

Ezzie wrote a post nominating Bad4Shidduchim to go on the NBN Jblogger convention and blog about a family making Aliyah.

I agree wholeheartedly with his decision and with the reasons for it. Not only will this be a great opportunity for Nefesh B'Nefesh to utilize a blogger who will bring their message out to a unique reader-base, it will also be an amazing bad-for-shidduchim-points-getting opportunity for Bad4.

For example:

1. Being involved with Nefesh B'Nefesh, a tzioni organization that helps Jews make aliyah to Israel - wait, did I say tzioni? Definitely bad for shidduchim.

2. No longer being anonymous, thereby letting the whole Jewish world know she has a blog - could be pretty bad for shidduchim.

3. Participating in a co-ed convention - GASP.

4. Being nominated on blogs, thereby drawing attention to herself - QUITE untznius!

5. Wearing a ponytail in public, especially if she gets on the livefeed camera at the convention - couldn't be WORSE for shidduchim!

I do hope she has the good sense to not wear any make-up while at the convention, or she might get some bad for shidduchim points deducted. I'll have to consult with my fellow judges on that one.

So, you see, supporting Bad4's opportunity to win an NBN trip to Israel + convention attendance is also supporting the bad for shidduchim cause as a whole.

In all seriousness - Nefesh B'Nefesh, you'd be hard-pressed to find a better choice to send to the convention. Bad4 is an excellent writer/storyteller with great descriptive skill colored with a helping of fun, but not silly, humor. She has a large following of young couples and singles - just the sort of people who are not yet set in their ways, but who are at a stage in their lives where aliyah could be a serious consideration.

So...go ahead and send Bad4 to Israel!

Calling All English Majors!

I don't usually post one RIGHT after the other like I'm doing just now, but this was too good to pass up.

Bad4 noted a disproportionate number of English majors in the blogosphere. So I just want to give a shout out to everyone who is an English major - or who is an honorary English-major-wanna-be.

ENGLISH MAJORS ARE THE BEST.

Also, SJ commented over the weekend that I post more often than anyone she knows. I was debating whether or not to feel self-conscious about this, but then I decided, y'know? It's my blog and if I have a lot to say, well, I can't help that! I don't speak enough in person so I guess I'm just drawn to writing. And no one has to read it if they don't wanna, you know? And now I know I'm gonna get yelled at by someone about being apologetic and disclaimering on my own blog, but...! Hmmm.

English Major?

Erachet: I wanna derive equations
Bad4: Good. So, if i give you the following equation: A(t) = (εdCd + εs1Cs + εs2Cs)b Where A(t) stands for UV absorbance with respect to t (temperature) and epsilon-d stands for the extinction coefficienct of the duplex strands. Cd is unknown Epsilon-s stands for the extinction coefficient of the single MO strand Cs is unknown Epsilon-s2 stands for th extinction coefficient of single DNA strand Cs again is unknown b = 1 and I give you all the epsilons for the given temperature of, say, 35 degrees celsius can you find Cs and Cd for me?
Erachet: er maybe?
Bad4: It's theoretically simple. Define the two variable in relation to each other and plug in. I think.
Erachet: okay
what are the epsilons?
Bad4: the funny e-shaped things.
Erachet: no, I know THAT
you said you would give me them
Bad4: They stand for extinction coefficient
oh, right. hold on: I'm going to email it to you. I wrote it all down, but I discovered that two of the epsilons are inaccurate. Theoretically, in terms of deriving the equations, it doesn't matter. But I'd like to get them right before I proceed because I'm a bit OCD like that.
Erachet: okay :)
...I'll get back to you after I eat some pizza bagels

Stick to the Status Quo - shidduch version!

This song was written to be a part of Bad4Shidduchim's shidduch musical!

The parody is below but the real song goes like this (WARNING: some girls singing):



Stick to the Shidduch Quo

Yossi:
Take a look
There's nothin' but books
When I am in the beis and on a roll
But I've got a confession
My own secret obsession
And it's making me lose control

Other yeshiva boys:
Everybody gather 'round

Yossi(spoken):
Well if everyone's telling their secrets then I can tell mine...I have facebook!

Yeshiva boys(spoken):
What?

Yossi(spoken):
I have facebook! Statii, pokes, even weird dorm life pictures

Yeshiva boys:
Not another sound

Yossi(spoken):
Someday I hope to have the most friends in YU!

Yeshiva boys:
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
Yeah, to be just like us
Stay away from that shtus
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo

Malkie:
Look at me
And what do you see
Such tznius, it's beyond compare
But inside I am stirring
Something strange is occurring
It's a secret I need to share

Girls:
Open up, dig way down deep

Malkie(spoken):
Bright colors are my passion! I love wearing green and pink and blue and red!

Girl(spoken):
Is that even legal?

Girls:
Not another peep

Malkie(spoken):
They're just colors. Sometimes I think they're cooler than wearing black.

Girls:
No, no, no, noooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be frum
Then don't beat your own drum
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo

Out of towner:
Listen well
I'm ready to tell
About a need that I cannot deny
Dude, there's no explanation
For this odd situation
But I'm ready to let it fly

OOTers:
Speak your mind and you'll be heard

OOTer(spoken):
Alright, if they're all telling their secrets... then I'm coming clean! I want to live in New York!

OOTer 1(spoken):
No way!

OOTer 2(spoken):
Where is it?

OOTer 3(spoken):
In China?

OOTer(spoken):
No, dude, it's on the East Coast!

OOTers:
Not another word

OOTer 1(spoken):
Do you have to speak with an accent?

OOTer(spoken):
Shaw do!

OOTers:
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be down
Then please stay out of town
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quoooooooo

Everyone:
No, no, no
stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo

Shadchan 1:
This is not what I want
This is not what I planned
And I just gotta say
I do not understand
Someting is really

Shadchan 2:
Something's not right

Shadchan 1:
Really wrong

Shadchans:
And we gotta get things
Back where they belong
We can do it

OOTer:
Gawta stay!

OOTers:
Stick with what you know

Shadchans:
We can do it

Malkie:
Colors hooray!

Girls:
She has got to go

Shadchans:
We can do it

Yossi:
Poke away!

Yeshiva boys:
Keep your voice down low

Everyone:
Not another peep
No, not another word
No, not another sound
No

Shadchan 1:
Everybody quiet!

Girl 1(spoken):
Why is everybody staring at you?

Girl 2(spoken):
Not me, you.

Girl 1(spoken):
Because I have a blog? I can't have people staring at me! I really can't!

Everyone:
Noooooooooooooo, no, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
Yeah, to be just like us
Stay away from that shtus
Don't mess with the flow, oh no
Stick to the status quooooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be frum
Then don't beat your own drum
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status
stick to the status
Stick to the status quo

Alternate third section:

New Yorker:
Listen well
I'm ready to tell
About a need that I cannot deny
Dude, there's no explanation
For this odd situation
But I'm ready to let it fly

NYers:
Speak your mind and you'll be heard

NYer(spoken):
Alright, if they're all telling their secrets... then I'm coming clean! I want to live in Dallas!

NYer 1(spoken):
Awesome!

NYer 2(spoken):
Where is it?

NYer 3(spoken):
In China?

NYer(spoken):
No, dude, it's like down in Texas!

NYers:
Not another word!

NYer 1(spoken):
Do you have to speak with an accent?

NYer(spoken):
Y'all know it!

NYers:
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be down
Then don't go out of town
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo!

Raiders of the Plastic Spoons

It happened one late morning at the secret, hidden home of the Blogfather. The apartment was empty save for the Bloggers SJ, M.R., and myself, Erachet - or so we thought.

It was while we were getting ready to leave that we noticed it - The Bug. It was big and black with long, furry, wriggling legs. Even worse - it was in Elianna's room! The polite thing to do, of course, was to kill the intruder at once but no one wanted to go near it. Finally, I had to face the thing myself ("HAHA! YU R MY BUG NAW" [the PT]) . I tried to squish it with a cardboard box from the garbage but, alas, it did not want to be squished. Once I finally did manage to squish it ("the bug has been squishinated by the girl!" [sic]) and throw it out, it was only mostly dead which, of course, means still slightly alive. What if other dangerous and grosser than gross enemies came to its aid?

This called for drastic action by present members of the Blog Squad. Bad4Shidduchim had hinted to us that there was something special and important about taping plastic spoons to the table and flinging jelly at the clean white walls. I believe her instructions were such:

Use for 22 plastic spoons:

Needed: masking tape, a table, 22 plastic spoons, jelly, a nice white wall

1. Position table about 15 feet from nice white wall
2. Tape edge of handle of spoons to table, the bowl side over air
3. fill bowl of spoons with jelly
4. press gently down on edges of jelly-filled bowls of spoons in rapid succession
5. admire squishy sound and colorful sight

For best results, use many flavors jelly in a pattern. Keep spoons close together. With practice, you can aim them to create patterns of your own design.

Note: only for practice in facilities which you will be evacuating immediately.

Well, we were evacuating the apartment rather immediately, so we figured a shield of this kind against enemies of the Arthropoda phylum would be very useful. Luckily, we came prepared. We took out our handy plastic spoons and immediately began taping them to the kitchen table. Observe:





Next, we got out the jelly:





And then - up went the shield:



And the Blog Squad saved the day once again! The home of the Blogfather is sufficiently protected against Arthropods.

Unless...Serach didn't wash the walls did she? Did she???

Uh oh.