Nightmare Awakening

A voice in the darkness monopolizes your attention until you realize you can move. You spring out of bed and the darkness swallows you, but with some just-discovered fortitude, you stand where you are until you can see - there is the light switch! You run over and stretch out an amorphous hand... Have you done it? Have you flicked the light switch? You definitely moved it - but enough? You try again, your hand heavy from something like pins and needles, but a kind you can actually see, not feel - except for the heaviness. The light will not turn on. Acid panic starts to gnaw at you from the inside. You frantically flip the switch back and forth multiple times, but the room remains enveloped in living darkness scratching against your inner sanctity. Suddenly, without a sound except a voice in your head telling you it is happening, lightening floods the room a stormy orange. You instinctively turn for your security object from childhood, but there are three stuffed dogs on your bed. You grab them all and you run to your parents' room. Your father gives you a surprisingly welcome look - you were expecting annoyance at being woken up in the middle of the night. 'You see!' you cry in desperation. 'There is only one of me - not three!' Then everything melts away and your eyes fly open. Your racing heart begins to calm as, twisted in your blanket, you fall out of your nightmare and embrace being awake.

Dreams

Okay, what is the deal with dreams? I happen to be very prone to extremely vivid dreams and even kind of scary dreams, so after a few odd ones lately, I started to get a little fed up. Some dreams make sense in their nonsensical dream way, and some are just random and silly, but some are darker and/or scarier and/or more serious and yet totally unconnected to anything I would be thinking, even subconsciously. So why do I (we?) dream things that seem to be so wholly unrelated to anything that would make sense? And what are dreams, anyway? Are they complete nonsense or is there anything, even the smallest bit, to them? I'm not asking this rhetorically - does anyone know? Or does anyone know any way to find out?

Reach For Your Dreams

I'm sure most of you have already seen this or heard of it, but below is a video of a shortened version of Randy Pausch's Last Lecture as seen on Oprah. Randy Pausch was a professor at Carnegie Mellon who died on July 25, 2008 of pancreatic cancer. Earlier this year, one of my teachers showed our class this video on youtube and tonight I watched the full-length lecture given at Carnegie Mellon. I recommend watching the full-length one but it's over an hour long so if you don't have time, at least watch the shorter one (it's only about ten minutes).

A few highlights from the full-length version that really spoke to me:

"When you screw it up and no one's saying anything to you anymore - that means they gave up...your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care."

"The brick walls are there for a reason...the brick walls are not there to keep us out...the brick walls are there to show how badly we want something...they're there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough."

"Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress you."

"Anybody can get chewed out - it's the rare person who says, 'oh my G-d, you're right'"

This one is more for the humor - "When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you...just ignore everything they say and pay attention only to what they do." :)

These all (well, except the last one which I included just because it's funny) speak to me in various different ways - those who know me better will probably understand why. I think it's important to be reminded of this sort of thing every once in a while. We all get so caught up in what life is throwing at us, it's easy to forget to take a step back and look at how much we've all been blessed with and at how much we still have going for us. Right now I'm overcoming a challenge of trying to cope with a job I really dislike (so far). I'm trying to figure out how to make it a good experience rather than a complete waste. I'm here, I'm doing it, I might as well make it worth my time and effort - right? I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I'm trying to figure it out. A month is not something to be thrown away lightly. I'm not going to spend all of August moping and feeling down. I'm just not. I won't let myself. It's an entire month of my life and it should be worth something.

The other message I really got out of this lecture was to have FUN. If you're not enjoying life, something is wrong. Even when bad or difficult things come our way, attitude is everything. The more time we spend feeling sad, the less time we spend engaging with the world in a positive way. I thought about writing a post today lamenting the way August is turning out for me. But the truth is, most of my issue is all in my attitude. Nothing horrible has happened. I just have to do really, really, really boring work. I can handle that, can't I? I'm trying. I'm trying to go about this the right way. It's hard - it's a lot harder than it may sound. Really. But that doesn't mean I'm not trying. I'm nervous to go back tomorrow and have to face another really dull day with hardly anyone to talk to. I don't like days where I watch the minute hand on the clock slowly, ever so slowly, slug its way around...five minutes, ten minutes, quarter of an hour, half an hour, an hour - and then again. All the way from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon. That's not a way to live your day - counting hours. That's not how I want to spend my days.

Anyway, this is worth watching if you haven't seen it yet, and it's worth watching again if you haven't seen it in a while.



The link to the full-length version (which I highly recommend if you have the time) is here.

I think there's always this feeling of, "everyone always has these outlandish dreams from when they were kids. But at some point you have to learn to face reality." And in some ways that's true. But in many ways, if you just hold onto those dreams you once had, you'd probably be surprised at how many of them you can make a real part of that reality you're "facing."

I don't know this from experience. It's just something I'm hoping.

Wisdom in dreams

Sometimes there is untapped wisdom that comes to life in dreams. At least, I think there is. In any case, I dreamed this quote last night:

Anything good that one attempts is worth the shot.

(Alternatively - anything worth doing is worth the attempt)

I like it. I think it's really true because even if you don't achieve exactly what you want to, a lot of what you gain by reaching for goals is whatever you learn while doing so. There is value in trying, just as there is in succeeding - maybe even more. Life is always, always a learning process and if you pay attention, you'll find yourself growing and achieving in ways you never expected or planned. And those are the best ways.