Dear Stern College for Women,
I would like to bring to your attention the icy white fluffy things falling from the sky outside. If you look out your window, you will see what I mean. Lots of it has also piled up on the ground. This icy white fluffy stuff is called snow. For your convenience, I have provided in this letter the dictionary.com definition:
1. Meteorology. a precipitation in the form of ice crystals, mainly of intricately branched, hexagonal form and often agglomerated into snowflakes, formed directly from the freezing of the water vapor in the air. Compare ice crystals, snow grains, snow pellets.
2. these flakes as forming a layer on the ground or other surface.
3. the fall of these flakes or a storm during which these flakes fall.
It is general practice, when such white fluffiness descends from the heavens, to cancel school so we may enjoy these crystal-lattice precipitations, and so you may, too. This is especially the case when the rest of New York State is on holiday. There are certain customs one must perform when this amount of snow has fallen, including the crafting of snow men, the building of snow forts, and the throwing of snow balls - usually culminating in a snow fight. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you were unaware of such procedures and I have seen it as my duty to inform you of them. I hope we have no such trouble in the future - the future being this moment and onward. So I trust we won't have school the rest of the day?
A Snow Day Deprived Student