Friday, March 20, 2009

Disillusionment, Perhaps

There are certain times in a person's life where he or she might feel somewhat disillusioned. Things become hazy with change and you're not sure where you fit into it all anymore. The loneliness of having to take care of yourself sets in and the weight of a self-journey becomes heavy. You realize that no matter what you might have thought, or even what other people say, all you've really got is yourself. So you think you've taken off the rosy glasses that have, until now, shown you a warmer world, but then you're not sure if perhaps you've put on different glasses. That the world isn't as cold as you perceive but that you're just feeling a bit over-dramatic. And though you try to work through the haze for your own path out of it, you keep messing up. You look back too much and it makes you want to stay, but you know you can't. You don't want to be alone on this journey but it seems you have to be. And though you know what you have to do, you stumble along the way because this is not something you've ever done before. It is unfamiliar. You run from it as much as you climb towards it. And after some time, you're not sure anymore what is illusion and what is real, which feelings are warranted and which are not, who will still be there on the other end and who are you leaving behind.

And who will you be when it is all over?

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