Sunday, February 21, 2010

Learning

Learning is this private, personal thing that becomes highly embarrassing if anyone were to walk in on you doing it. I suppose it doesn't have to be this way, but it often is. Suddenly, someone starts judging you and comparing you to the experts - or at least to the ones who do things significantly better than you (or maybe not even that much better, or even better at all, but who have more of a reputation for it). They don't take you or anything you do seriously. Shakespeare out of your mouth is the basest, simplest, rawest attempt at poetry. You won't be taken seriously because you are not a hidden wonder, or a known wonder even, but you're just a student, learning, trying, learning. And the thing is - you've got to be allowed that space to learn, to be bold, to be presumptuous and audacious and even a little cocky. You've got to be those things and trip and trip and trip over yourself while being them. You've got to feel your limits and then realize that what you thought were limits are really only self-imposed illusions of limits because of low expectations, or are just hurdles because you've never done this before and you're out of practice (any practice), and you've got to push beyond those limits. You've got to push farther and farther and farther than you ever dared dream possible.

But you can't if someone is watching you. You can't when people give you those half smiles, friendly, nice, understanding smiles - those 'aw, you're just learning' smiles - and close the doors - ever so sweetly - in your face. You've got to force those doors open - but then everyone will think you've got a temper, or you're trying too hard, and then they won't let you try at all. So you've got to hide away and build yourself up privately until you're good enough for them to finally respect you, to finally see.

So you see? Learning is a private thing.

1 comment:

herschel@israel said...

*Suddenly, someone starts judging you and comparing you to the experts*-its normal process which is necessary for the growth- i always compare myself with experts in oder to improve my level)))