Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Blank Slate

So here I am.

I've stepped precariously from one storybook of life and into the pages of another; pages that are not yet filled in. All around me is blankness that I've somehow got to write, but I don't know where to even begin.

I am a completely blank slate. I have no job. I am unattached to any male person. I am not in school for any further education. I am nowhere. I have the entire world in front of me and I don't know which way to turn. So many paths seem to be entwined in brambles and thorny vines, as if to trip me up or block my way entirely. Is this what it's like on the other side of childhood? Constantly fighting your way to get anywhere?

But I haven't made it anywhere yet. I haven't been on this side of things long enough to have made it anywhere. Because where ought I try to make it into? I've got to decide this before I start off, haven't I? Otherwise I won't know whether to turn east or west or north north east or south west south.

Everything feels so rocky like when you're walking on a dock that sticks out over the water and the waves shove it to and fro in their giddy game of trying to make you lose your balance. But I can't lose my balance here because the things I do actually matter. If I make a mistake, it has more consequences than just retaking a test or apologizing.

Hundreds of people lose their jobs every day - so how is a recent college graduate supposed to find anything when talented professionals are out of work? Nowhere is hiring. What real skills do I have anyway? Would I be happy filing papers for a year or more or would I go out of my mind?

And what about dating when I don't even know any guys?

What about finding a place to live and having to pay rent for the first time ever?

What about deciding what kind of job I really want to have, or if I want to go back to school?

How do I figure these things out?

Who will I become?

Where do I go next?

2 comments:

Ezzie said...

I like the "Life" tag. :)

You can't approach things directly or they don't let you in. You've got to sidle in sort of sideways. Then they're all just as surprised as you are once you've made it, and they might even let you stay.Eh. Knock on the door, show you belong, and you'd be surprised just how often they let you in.

...or you can just make your own door, room, building...

Hundreds of people lose their jobs every day - so how is a recent college graduate supposed to find anything when talented professionals are out of work? Nowhere is hiring.Not true. Unemployment is up, sure. But I believe about 4 Million people were hired last month; it's just that another 4.8m lost their jobs. There ARE jobs; there's just more competition, and some might not last long. Don't be afraid of getting fired - the average person will have had 6 jobs by the time they've worked 10 years, I think the numbers are.

Princess said...

While it may seem easier to approach everything with a complete plan, knowing exactly where you're going and how you're going to get there, that's not always practical. Sometimes you just need to wing it. Look around and see what options are available to you. If there's a job you can do but that isn't your ideal job, you might want to try taking it just to tide you over until you do find an ideal job. And maybe you'll end up liking it. Or you could just hope that the ideal job comes soon - that works better for some people.
It may seem like you have no direction and nothing really concrete, but that just means that instead of being boxed into a corner with a job, an apartment, or a guy that is okay but maybe not ideal, you have many avenues open to you - YOU can choose what happens next (kind of like those "Choose your own adventure" books). The hardest part is finding all of your options and deciding which one to pursue.
Good luck!