It's always slightly strange to go immediately from one group of people in your life to a completely different group of people in your life. The contrast is sometimes so stark, it becomes almost confusing.
It's like this. I know who I am. I know which parts of me come out when around certain people. I am very comfortable with that. Then, when I'm around other people, I become a slightly different person. Does this make sense to any of you? It's like I'm a person from the past, and then I start to get muddled about who I really am now. It feels almost like straddling two worlds. I have one foot in one world and one foot in another and I just have no idea where I really belong anymore. I don't only mean personality-wise, I mean hashkafically, too.
Unless I just create my own world called Erachetland. Uh...come visit, sometime. It's lonely all by myself in there.
4 comments:
I think it makes sense.If you were in a chassidish area you would probably walk, talk and interact very differently then if you were in a Young Israel commmunity. You just have to know who you are and not compromise on what you feel is right, even if one of the groups don't behave that manner.
Unless I'm total off in understanding your post--
Don't let it rattle you. Let's face it; we're complex beasts and walking contradictions. But what is it that they say? "Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds?" Nothing wrong with acknowledging that there is a spectrum of valid philosophies, worldviews and personalities. In any case, I'd be suspicious of anyone that advocated a blanket and non-negotiable endorsement of any point of view.
Littlebirdies - no, you understand it fine. :)
Ari - you are so right. It's just difficult to know where I fit in within the spectrum.
Just remember that it's not a zero-sum game....it's not either-or. Consider yourself fortunate that you feel comfortable in more than one world.
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