Saturday, November 1, 2008

Navigating The Balance Beam

Change is complicated.

My first instinct was to write "change is scary," but then I heard a voice in my head saying, "not everything is scary, sheesh!" My second instinct was to write, "change is exciting." Except that's not what I'm feeling at the moment. Change is something in between "scary" and "exciting."

Change is active. You can't ignore change.

Change is undefinable because each person experiences it and deals with it and approaches it differently. So I'm going to stop trying to define change.

Certain things about life you can learn from others. You can watch them, see their mistakes, be careful not to make the same ones. You can talk to them, they can give you advice.

Other things about life you really have to teach yourself.

Some things are expected.

Some things are strange.

Sometimes you can be there for your friends. But I've learned that you can't always protect your friends. Sometimes, all you can do is be someone to talk to, be there for them, comfort them, reason with them, but you can't always actually help them. Sometimes they might hurt each other and there's nothing you can do, or nothing you should do. But just being there for them might be all they need. Sometimes that's one of the most important parts of a friendship: being there. Just being a good friend. Showing you care.

Sometimes you both understand and don't understand something. Then what do you do? People may give advice, but I've also learned, you have to navigate your own way. You have to play the cards that were actually dealt to you, not always look for answers elsewhere, even if others have good advice. You're you and your situations are unique because of that.

And yet, after all these realizations, it's still hard to figure things out.

Losing friends is sad. Even if you make new ones. You can say keep in touch with everyone, but I see how it is all the time. Everyone drifts.

I love all my friends now. I wish I could stay close with them.

Emotions are a tricky thing. The future is a tricky thing. Life is a tricky thing.

Sometimes I wish it was easier...

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