Tuesday, April 1, 2008

HO NO!

It is that time of year again. The time when I sleep with my desk light on and don't like to close my eyes at night (which consequently means I'm not sleeping) and don't look in mirrors for too long.

What time of year is this, you may ask?

DRACULA TIME.

The same thing happened last spring! You might recall I had to read Dracula for my film and fiction class (OMG CREEPY. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME TIME OF YEAR).

Now, the book itself is not too frightening, but when you've got images in your head of the Coppola movie (with Gary Oldman as Dracula - that's right, go ahead and ruin my image of Sirius Black!), well, it's pretty scary (except for when he's wearing those sunglasses. Those just make him look ridiculous). There's one scene in particular which freaked me out when I read it, freaked me out even more when I saw it in the movie, and is freaking me out again - the scene with the mirror. Here's what happens:

Jonathan Harker is looking in a mirror, shaving. Dracula comes up behind him. Jonathan Harker does not see anything in his mirror. Suddenly, Dracula reaches out and touches his shoulder.

THIS IS SCARY.

I love my gothic novel class very much (it's probably one of my favorites this semester) and I AM glad we're reading Dracula because, gosh darn it, I HAVE to overcome these ridiculous fears. But but but--!

It's this weird thing. I can't explain it. On the one hand, I'm afraid. On the other hand, I enjoy being so afraid. It makes me feel stronger, in a way, because I'm forcing myself to face things I'm scared of facing (I do have limits about this, though. There's scary, and then there's gross. I don't go for gross. Just scary). Plus, if you live your life never in fear of anything, well, that's got to be pretty boring, you know? It keeps you on your toes! And it makes you a stronger person and allows you to grow.

As scared as I am of vampires, you should also know that when I was a little kid in sleep away camp, a friend and I used to pretend to be vampire slayers and we would creep around the outside of our bunk at night slaying imaginary vampires (and no, I never watched Buffy).

In any case. I just needed to get all this out. Scariness.

To make Dracula far less frightening, I'm going to retell it...the PT style:

Nuthing lik a vampir

by erasha

(grat buk!)

In the morning, I luk in a mirror.

Drakyula dusn't lik to not vare.

AAAAA where my clothing is? (where is my clothing?)

Over thar, that is war it is. [image of count scaling down castle in harker's suit]

(what's going on in the cage?)

(that's the vampire cage)

(you have a cage for vampires?)

(yeah! the vampires like to be up there!)

AAAAA! Don't wure, we don't needa suc all the blud today.

Hmmm.

Wuat cind of vampir is this!?

Grad F!

Wuat!

You didn't get a gud grad on this.

Ho boy. Are you gonna leave the cassle? Do you wanna have wafers wen we get home?

Uh, no, I'm gonna stay at the cassle.

OkI'mleevingwithoutyoug'bye.

Dreeeeaaaaming.... (doo doo doo doo)

(what are you dreaming of?)

F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F

The ledder F is so good. It stand for your last name...Frangin.

Ugh, why do I cep getting F's?

Because your last name is Frangin.

Hmmm, maybe your grads are good. F for frendly vampir. A for attack.

Vaaaampirs are mor importint evre uther day!

The end.

(other versions can be found here and here)

Are there any books you guys find particularly frightening? Or am I the only weirdo out there?

Also, I thought this was apropos:

6 comments:

Izgad said...

I thought the beginning of the movie was great. It collapses the moment they get Oldman out of the old man makeup. The old man look was one of the scariest things I have ever seen on film.

On a lighter note, have you read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer?

Erachet said...

Yeah, you're right. The old man (haha, Gary OLDMAN - sorry, couldn't resist) makeup, hair, and costume was TERRIFYING. Especially when he first comes in and you see shadows of reeeaaally looooong fingers. Creepy! Except certain lines that he says are so over the top sounding that they take away a bit of the effect (like, "I don't drink...wine." I think I started cracking up when I saw that).

But when he's younger he just looks like Gary Oldman with a funny accent. And when he wears those blue sunglasses that are really anachronistic and look like they were bought in a Duane Reade ten minutes before shooting...

Anyway, I have not read Twilight. What sort of book is it?

Izgad said...

Twilight is a tongue and cheek love story in which the guy is a vampire.
Here is my review of it.
http://izgad.blogspot.com/2007/08/friendly-vampires-review-of-twilight.html

PsychoToddler said...

Sory

I'm not Dr. Jekul anymor

Now

I'm

Mr. Dr. Jekul!!

M.R. said...

Erachet child, grat buk is right!
(yours, not Dracula. I don't like Dracula. I don't like Gothic Novels. And I DON'T LIKE having the patooties scared out of me by scary books. Aaaaaack! Not fun! Not fun! Want my mommy!)

inkstainedhands said...

It seems I am commenting on all of your old Dracula posts... I can't help it; I love the book.

It's funny that you mentioned the movie with Gary Oldman. I actually thought that it was less frightening than the book, because it painted Dracula as a much more sympathetic character. Although they used quite a bit of creative license in portraying Dracula that way, I think it was brilliant because you got to see him in a different light and appreciate his struggles more.