I really should be getting to bed, but now I'm all inspired to write about this after procrastinating on gchat with Ezzie.
I want to be a hero. I want to be like Frodo Baggins or Harry Potter or Peter Pan or Mikey Walsh or any of them. I want to be the one to brandish my sword at the dragon and steal his horde of treasure and destroy the ring of power and break the spell and kill Voldemort and save the world. I have this naive idealism that there is some way to do it. I never lost this belief that I, Erachet, am going to be the one to destroy evil and save everyone, that I will be exalted as the hero, that I will go on adventures and persevere and restore order to the universe. Because that's what a hero does. A hero goes to a disordered world, has a series of adventures, comes face to face with evil, destroys it and restores order. The hero then returns with a prize of some sort.
I want this to be me.
And why can't it be me? Why can I not do this?
This world is so disorderly - is it even possible to restore order to it?
People say, write letters to the government, go to rallies, recycle, save the whales. But this does not do it for me. None of these things make me, personally, feel like a hero. I want to do something real, something big, something that actually makes a real difference that I can actually see and on a much larger scale.
But I have no ring of power to destroy. I don't know of any dragons. There is no Captain Hook, and even if there was, I am not in a position to be the one to go after him.
I am a regular girl from a regular town and a regular family and I don't possess any special talents or abilities or strengths.
So how can I be a hero? A real hero? Who has adventures and saves the whole world?
Because I really believe that I can. I really believe that I will, one day. But some little voice inside of me is trying to make me see, the world is not that simple. It's not that black and white. And you are not that special.
But I want to be.
8 comments:
Interestingly, I think you're viewing a hero much the same way Chana viewed a leader... and I don't think that that's the only way to be a hero, much like I disagreed with her more narrow definition of leader.
You are and can be special; you can have that impact. It might not involve slaying dragons for the world to see, but it is the impact you have on yourself and those whom surround you that matters.
I don't think it's possible to be the kind of hero that saves the whole world. But being a hero on a smaller scale is something that is definitely doable and probably more rewarding.
Always do what you think is right, try to help people if you can, and just keep being yourself, and one day you might become someone's hero.
Ezzie - I'm not saying this is THE definition of a hero, I'm saying this is the sort of hero I would like to be. Obviously there are many, many types of heroes on all different scales. I was once told I put too much glory in the days of old with knights in shining armor, etc. and that person was probably right. I just can't help that about myself. As much as I may not seem like it, inside I really DO want that sort of attention and praise and recognition. I don't feel satisfied just being on the sidelines and I also don't feel satisfied when I can't actually SEE the results of what I'm doing. For instance, writing letters and going to rallies. I'm not denying that they're helpful, but I never get to see just how helpful they are. We can write a thousand letters, go to a million rallies, but how much is really changed?
Princess - I know. It isn't possible. That's why it's so frustrating to me. We read stories that glorify a sort of person who it isn't really possible to be like because the world just doesn't work that way.
While the prospect of being a Knight In Shining Armor type of hero is tempting, I don't think it is suited to my personality. I'd rather be this kind of hero:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CeEEMRQjW8
People say, write letters to the government, go to rallies, recycle, save the whales. But this does not do it for me. None of these things make me, personally, feel like a hero. I want to do something real, something big, something that actually makes a real difference that I can actually see and on a much larger scale.
WHY ARE WE THE SAME PERSON SOMETIMES?
(sorry, couldn't resist :))
I don't possess any special talents or abilities or strengths.
Uh, I *highly* disagree. You are an incredibly insightful person and I very much admire your introspection (not to mention your English skills. Hmph). Like Ezzie said about not narrowing the definition of a hero, you can be someone's special hero or mentor or role model without necessarily being some big famous person.
Chin up! You are special. And you're also full of liony goodness :).
I want to do something real, something big, something that actually makes a real difference that I can actually see and on a much larger scale.
I totally see what you mean about seeing results. It's why I have such a hard time dieting;)
I agree with the rest about diff. types of heroes, but I also see the draw of the excitement and adventure that go hand-in-hand with being that kind of hero I hope you get your chance:)
While noble, I don't think you will ever feel like you are a hero. If you ever do feel like one, you probably aren't. I find it impossible to compare one's self, considering the intimate knowledge each of us has about even the most insignificant of our flaws. To be a hero, one must both acknowledge and embrace those flaws as the fuel for change, both personal and collective. I am, to a great degree, echoing the ideas of Thomas de Zengotita in his wonderful article "Attack of the Superzeroes" published in Harper's December 2004 issue.
Ha, I could of written that post of me. I'm constantly thinking about something big I could do to make a difference. I'm very quixotic, but in a highly unproductive way, unfortunately. I think of things, but either they're too big too accomplish or I'm just not motivated. I constantly fantasize about redemption of the world and what it will be like and how I could be involved, stuff like that. I have ideas for websites...that never get started.
My father told me once that when he was my age, he thought he was going to do something big, too. One of my biggest struggles is the everyday mediocrity of life.
That was a good video scraps.
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