I'm such a bad writer. Not that my writing is bad, but I'm bad at actually writing it. I'm so annoyed at myself, but every time I sit down to write, I get blank. Even when I try to just start writing anything, I write a little bit and then hit a wall. What happened to me? Why can't I write for hours anymore? Have I run out of things to say?
I'm really so frustrated with myself, because I do care about this, even though it seems like I don't. Every time I do something that isn't writing, I feel guilty because I know I'm spending time doing something else when I could be writing instead. But I feel lost in my writing.
One of the things I love about the project I'm working on is that it's a story that was born, and continues to be born. It's not one I mapped out and that is being written chronologically according to a plan. It's an idea in the form of a story and it is constantly giving birth to itself, so that I am continuously writing the beginning and the end.
I don't know if that made sense to anyone but me.
In an attempt to keep myself writing, I thought about keeping this writing journal for you all to see. It will contain my thoughts, difficulties, observations, and ideas about the writing of the day. Or maybe not. Maybe it will just contain the number of pages I've written. Who knows. I'm just trying to help myself along here.
Today I wrote two pages. Blech.