Calling Landlords - Take One

One of the first things you realize upon leaving school is that you suddenly need a place to live. Oh sure, you can live at home. But wouldn't that be, as they say in pre-teen movies, like, total and complete "social suicide?" [/uptalk]

And that's only if you're lucky enough to live in New York. Some people really do need a place to live if they don't want to go back home to a different state.

But pre-college, most people have never had to deal with living anywhere on their own. Sure, sometimes people get apartments for college. But for a lot of people, they either live at home during college or they dorm.

Dorming, I should tell you (though you don't need to be told), is nothing like having your own place. You don't have to pay rent (hopefully your parents pay the dorm fee before school starts). You don't have to pay for utilities. You usually have some sort of meal plan so that you don't have to really pay for food (because it is prepaid. And usually also precooked. And pre-drowned in oil). Basically, you don't really have to worry about your living situation once school starts.

That's why, when I was suddenly faced with the responsibility of calling landlords to look for an apartment for my friends and myself, I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing.

After attempting to figure it out on my own and seeking advice from a few friends, I prepared myself for the first call, which went as such:

Lady: Hi, [Name of place I called]

Me: [Hesitating, unsure how to begin] Hi, two of my friends and I are looking for an apartment starting in the middle of July.

[awkward pause in which I am waiting for her to say something and she seems to be waiting for me to say something]

Me: So, um, could I find out about that?


Lady: [Somewhat patronizingly, as though speaking to a child] Do you have a specific apartment in mind?

Me: Er, no?

Lady: Oh! You just want to find out about apartments. Well, I have one 2-bedroom apartment for this price and one 3-bedroom for the same price. If you want to see them, call Charlie.

[She proceeds to give me Charlie's phone number. The price, by the way, was way out of our price range]

Lady: Okay?

Me: Okay. [Quickly, before she can hang up] Um, do you have any junior fours?

Lady: [Coolly, clearly done talking to me] No. Okay?

Me: Okay.

And that, as they say in children's books, was that.

Better luck next time?

On A Dark And Stormy Night

It's raining and thundering so hard, I can't sleep. Lightening keeps flashing through the blinds on my windows. Often when I sleep during a storm, the sounds and flashes from outside incorporate themselves in my dreams in some way, and that makes me reluctant to fall asleep.

When I was younger, I used to imagine that thunder was the sound of a heavenly bowling alley God was making use of that night. It does sound like some sort of cosmic bowling night, doesn't it?

I also have a distinct memory of opening up an umbrella outside during a particularly windy rainstorm and being nearly carried off Mary-Poppins-style by the wind.

If I wasn't so tired, I would describe these memories more poetically and in greater detail, but I'm really only awake because of the din and commotion outside.

Did any of you ever have any strange notions about thunder and lightening?

I happen to love storms, but not while I'm trying to fall asleep. This old video I dug up on youtube was strangely comforting - if only because it's a clip from one of the best children's movies ever. It makes me sad to think kids don't watch Wee Sing movies anymore (I hope I'm wrong about that!) because they were such quality kid entertainment.

Also, I used to always want a dress like Sally's. :)

...Things seem to be quieting outside. For now, at least. Except I think the wind just knocked against our garbage cans outside because something scraped against the house just now. It had better be the wind, anyway. A little unnerving...

...And now the rain's started again. Wow, I think I'm liveblogging a storm. I am way too tired for this. The rain, if I'm going to start using metaphors for everything, or similes - as the case may be, sounds like the earth is taking a strong shower. Or like a humongous watering can from one of Jack and the Beanstalk's giants being poured down onto the world. Or like the clouds are dumping buckets of water on us. Which is somewhat accurate, anyway. Isn't is funny when your simile is actually what's really going on? The clouds are dumping water on us.

Well...so much for being poetic.

Alright - I'm going to try and let the rain lull me to sleep...

...Though I'm hungry. Have you ever read A Wrinkle in Time? It starts off like this. A storm. Meg, the protagonist, goes downstairs to get something to eat. Charles Wallace, her brother, has already made her a sandwich, intuiting that his sister would be upset by the storm and want something to eat. Their mother comes down and has something to eat, as well. And then they get a surprised visitor and the adventures begin...

Good book. Highly recommended.

I feel like Meg tonight. In fact, I feel like Meg often. Smart, not especially cool, average in looks, high hopes and dreams. And like Meg, I've learned many things this year about myself and my own strengths. I spent time learning about the Happy Medium (aka Balance). And I am still learning how I, an ordinary girl whose succes - until now - has remained only in dreams, can stand firm and grounded on my own two feet and face the world with my chin held high.

I was just thinking recently how, ever since school ended, I haven't written much on my blog. It seems a stormy night is fertile ground for thinking.

Someone said to me today that I ought to consider myself an adult, not a little girl. Well, that person is right. It's high time for me to take the mantle of adulthood, and I guess that begins with not letting a storm keep me up at night.

So I think I shall try going to sleep now. I'm certainly tired enough for it...

Good night!

But perhaps with a lamp on... ;)

Good Morning

I would just like to say good morning to everyone! I got up at seven this morning and it feels as though I have entered back into the fold of those who get up at normal hours in the morning. We shall see how long it lasts - but the truth is, it is quite nice to really have a long day ahead of you without having to stay up past midnight. Hmmm...

Grand Plans

[This post is somewhat immature, but I'd rather disclaim than take it down]

In the summers, people often have these grand plans about how they're going to spend their time.

"I'm going to join a gym!"

"I'm going to learn a musical instrument!"

"I'm going to watch all ten seasons of Friends!"

And so on.

I also have grand plans for this summer. I want to read a number of books, including The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. (And I'd love to read Don Quixote, but who knows if I'll actually do that this summer. And I want to read James Joyce's Ulysses just to prove I can.) I'm actually in the middle of reading Breakfast at Tiffany's, a book that I read a few summers ago and vaguely remember.

I want to start watching Seinfeld (my family owns one or two seasons). I've been told I'll love it.

I want to pick up the flute again. I haven't taken lessons since I was about 12, so that's ten years ago already. A few days ago I started playing again just to see what I could remember and I ended up being able to play (not spectacularly, but I'm extremely out of practice) Part Of Your World, Can You Feel The Love Tonight, and the Bonjour song from Beauty and the Beast. I was even able to play a few bars of Memory from Cats.

Even more importantly, however - I want to write. I want to seriously work on my writing and possibly actually do something with it. But it's hard to concentrate and really lose myself in writing when there is so much going on around me. I think I understand now why writers like to go to isolated cabins in the woods. And most notably, once I start working, it's really going to be a challenge to come home from a long day and then be able to write. And when I say write, I mean really sitting down to write for a number of hours. Not a few snatches here and there.

Right now is my time for that kind of writing, isn't it? If I don't do it now, before the craziness of life actually begins, then when will I? Is my dream of becoming a writer going to end up really being just a dream?

So often when I bemoan the fact that once I start working, I'll be working for the rest of my life, people smile that knowing smile and say, "Welcome to Life." Well, you know what? I hate money. I absolutely loathe it. Because if I can't spend the time doing what I want to do now, then when will I ever be able to? My whole life I'm going to have to spend working in order to make money in order to pay bills in order to live so that I can be able to go to work. What kind of a life is that? When will I have a chance to actually live my life the way I want to live it? My dream right now is to be a stay at home mother and a full time author. But how can I get to be a full time author if I am unable to actually write my first book? Where will I find the time and energy for real writing? And yet if I prolong this time without a job, I'll have no money. So basically my life is about having money so that I can actually have a life? But then, when will I be able to quit that part so I can spend my days writing? When I'm retired?

In the olden days, writers and all artists used to have patrons who would basically provide for them so that they could work on their art, which they would then proceed to dedicate to their patrons who had so generously supported them. Nowadays, I don't think we have such a system. At least, I've never heard of it. So those who wish to pursue the arts have to either be a "starving artist" or have to squeeze in the time before they are good enough and wealthy enough to make it a full time profession. Or their dream of working in the arts remains just that. A dream.

How many dreamers are out there who spend their lives doing something else completely?

When do you get to start becoming who you want to be in this world instead of just focusing on paying the bills?

Why am I 22 years old and already aware that there is real danger in losing my dream completely - that if I want my dream to become a reality, I'm really going to have to fight for it? Because nothing about this world, this life, is going to let me have it.

I just really hope it's not another one of those "grand plans."

Blank Slate

So here I am.

I've stepped precariously from one storybook of life and into the pages of another; pages that are not yet filled in. All around me is blankness that I've somehow got to write, but I don't know where to even begin.

I am a completely blank slate. I have no job. I am unattached to any male person. I am not in school for any further education. I am nowhere. I have the entire world in front of me and I don't know which way to turn. So many paths seem to be entwined in brambles and thorny vines, as if to trip me up or block my way entirely. Is this what it's like on the other side of childhood? Constantly fighting your way to get anywhere?

But I haven't made it anywhere yet. I haven't been on this side of things long enough to have made it anywhere. Because where ought I try to make it into? I've got to decide this before I start off, haven't I? Otherwise I won't know whether to turn east or west or north north east or south west south.

Everything feels so rocky like when you're walking on a dock that sticks out over the water and the waves shove it to and fro in their giddy game of trying to make you lose your balance. But I can't lose my balance here because the things I do actually matter. If I make a mistake, it has more consequences than just retaking a test or apologizing.

Hundreds of people lose their jobs every day - so how is a recent college graduate supposed to find anything when talented professionals are out of work? Nowhere is hiring. What real skills do I have anyway? Would I be happy filing papers for a year or more or would I go out of my mind?

And what about dating when I don't even know any guys?

What about finding a place to live and having to pay rent for the first time ever?

What about deciding what kind of job I really want to have, or if I want to go back to school?

How do I figure these things out?

Who will I become?

Where do I go next?

Starting Out On A Journey

I am officially done with school.

Ever.

(Or maybe not ever, but for now.)

Last night was my last night as the Apple's roommate. In fact, it was my last night as part of TBA (what I nicknamed our apartment on my blog way back in the beginning of the year. I believe it stands for "The Best Apartment" - not very original, I know). But not even, because M.R. had already left.

Last night, the Apple and I talked a bit until we were nearly asleep (that didn't take very long, seeing as we were both exhausted from packing and transporting luggage). When I shut the lamp, I thought to myself, "These last few seconds before I fall asleep are my last few seconds as a member of this apartment. When I wake up in the morning, my time at Stern will really be over." While I was still the Apple's roommate, it was like school was still in session, even though there were no more classes. I was still a part of my Stern experience. Now I'm home for Shabbos and any return to the Stern premises will be as a graduate.

Truthfully, I do have one more night in my apartment at Stern. D2 and I are packing our stuff on motzei Shabbos and leaving Sunday morning. But it will be just us. We will be the last ones to say goodbye to The Apartment.

...And then we, and everyone else, will go on together to the next stage of our lives.

What's both nice and strange at the same time is that we're not saying goodbye to each other. We're going to be seeing each other next year. This is not like the end of the year in Israel when people go off to their respective colleges in various different states or countries or even continents. Those people you really need to say goodbye to. But not my friends now. We're still going to be together in some ways, but...differently. I don't know what it will be like but it doesn't feel lonely.

D2, Chana, SJ, M.R., and the Apple,

This year, there were struggles, triumphs, difficult moments, awesome moments...but you guys have been amazing apartment mates.

At the start of this year, I wrote a post on beginnings. Well, now we're all facing a new kind of beginning. It's the beginning of a path in a completely different walk of life. But I think we're not alone on that path. It's one we don't know well at all, yet we are not walking it in solitude, even as we are also all doing different things next year.

There's a song from the end of the movie Anastasia that I love. It's meant to be a love song really, but I think it can really apply to any sort of close relationship - especially a deep-rooted friendship that will help each of us face whatever journey we have up ahead.



As I step wistfully out of one stage and nervously, but not unhappily, into the next, I take with me everything my time at Stern College for Women has provided me with. In a way, I am the same person I always was, except I'm being that person in a different way. It's slightly confusing. But refreshing, in a way. It's exciting to feel like I can possibly do something important with my life outside of the comfortable school cocoon.

So thank you, Stern College.

This post feels somewhat awkward, but I guess some things are hard to say, let alone say with elegance.

This blog will no longer be the records of a girl in college. Now it will be something else. Perhaps it will be more important to me than ever to write about what happens to me. My life suddenly feels like it's one big surprise.

I suppose we shall see what happens come tomorrow.

Discord In The End Note

Something's wrong
In this song
'Cause it's ending on a low.
But the score-sheet
With the beat
Points to high.
I was sure--
You concur?
That the last note should be A.
But they played--
I'm dismayed--
A low F.

For so long
Heard the dong--
Notes I swear I used to know.
But this feat--
Incomplete--
Makes me sigh.
So I err,
I aver.
Things have not gone the right way.
And this grade
Now waylaid
Makes me deaf.