Showing posts with label parody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parody. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Pharaoh the Mitzri

(A parody of Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss - read the original, too!)

(Er, I think this is a rough draft. And it's kinda late. But enjoy! Have a Chag Sameach, everyone!!!)

In the far-away country across from the Nile,

Pharaoh the Mitzri was king for a while.
A bustling land. It was rich. It was neat.
The water was warm. There was plenty to eat.
The Mitzrim had everything Mitzrim might need.
And they were all happy. Quite happy indeed.

They were… until Pharaoh, the king of this plenty,
Decided the Jews in his land were too many.
“I’m ruler,” said Pharaoh, “I stand at the helm.
But the Jews overpopulate throughout my realm.
Perhaps they'd revolt in this land by the Nile.
What if they took over? How horribly vile!
Their ill-boding strength - it just cannot go down.
They ought to be fewer!” he said with a frown.

And Pharaoh, the Mitzri King, gave a command

To all of the midwives who worked in his land

That each Jewish baby, if it was a boy,
They throw in the Nile, to kill and destroy.
He made Jewish mothers get rid of each son
But Yocheved was smart and sent hers on the run.
She made him a teva and lined it with tar.
And sent him a'floating - though not very far.

Meanwhile, Pharaoh said, "Now I am strong!
My kingdom is safe. Not a thing can go wrong!
I’m the king of Mitzrayim! And I rule the Jews!
I’m the king of the Nile! I can never lose!
I’m Pharaoh the Mitzri! Oh, marvelous me!
For when I am ruler, there's nothing that's free!”

And for some time after, he sat up there high
Saying over and over, “A great king am I!”
Until ‘long about bathtime. Then Batya went out--
His daughter, to wash and to swim all about.
And she saw, in the Nile, a baby float by.
She stretched out her hand to console him his cry.
Looking up, she said, “Moshe shall be his name.
For I've drawn him from water. Who knows whence he came?
We'll have to adopt him - he seems rather tame.”

So Moshe grew up in the home of the king
And Pharaoh knew not what bad news this would bring.

Over time Pharaoh started to fear once again
For the Jews were not lacking some big and strong men
And so he declared, to assert his position,
His vision of slavery come to fruition.
"I'll give them hard labor!” his royal voice thundered,
"And then all will know I am king times a hundred!

“Hardship! More hardship!” he bellowed and brayed.
And the Jews in Mitzrayim were very afraid.
They trembled. They shook. But they came. They obeyed.
From all over the land, they came working by dozens.
Whole families of Jews, with uncles and cousins.
They did not have much choice, were too scared to revolt.
And they got no respite, not a moment to halt.

Meanwhile Moshe had run far away

For he killed a Mitzri and so could not stay

Thus he lived in Midian and he watched over sheep

When he saw something that would make anyone leap!

A bush! And on fire! But it did not burn!

Through it, God spoke to Moshe, said, "It's Pharaoh's turn.

Go down to Egypt and take out the Jews.

And Moshe went down, though he tried to refuse.

But Pharaoh the Mitzri who sat up on high,
Did not care one wit 'bout the Jews and their sighs.
“Begone!” shouted Pharaoh. “I’m the king of the trees!
I’m king of the birds! And I’m king of the bees!
I’m king of the butterflies! King of the air!
Ah, me! Do not whine 'cause I really don't care!
I’m Pharaoh the Mitzri! Oh, marvelous me!
And I'll make your work harder - that is my decree!”

Then again, from below, on the palace room floor,
Moshe and Aharon said one thing more.
“Your Majesty, please… we don’t like to complain,
But our Jewish brethren are feeling great pain.
If you won't let them go, we'll be frank, won't be vague,
Our God will come smite you - He'll bring you a plague!"
Though Pharaoh's magicians at first said, "Yeah? Bring it!"
With just a few proofs, knew God's finger was in it.

“You hush up your mouth!” howled the mighty King Pharaoh.
“The Jews can't go free! I will give them more sorrow!
I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
There’s nothing, no, NOTHING, that’s higher than me!”

And, while he was shouting, his heart was quite hardened
It seemed that the Jews might not ever be pardoned.
Until the plague of blood and the Nile was scarred-ened.
“What’s THAT?” snorted Pharaoh. “Say, what IS that thing
That dares to be higher than Pharaoh the King?
I shall not allow it! They'll work harder still!
I’ll keep myself higher! I can and I will!
My Jewish slaves shall not ever go free!
I'll keep them forever, now please let me be!"

But, as Pharaoh, the Mitzri King, lifted his hand
And gave out his orders and barked his command,

That bustling land that was rich and was neat

Where the water was warm, where there's plenty to eat

Was smote by God's hand, nine more plagues on the way
Frogs and then lice and wild animals -- nay
They weren't enough, the Jews still had to stay.
Then the animals of the Egyptians all died

Boils, and hail, even locusts, God tried!
Then thick, heavy darkness, which was not enough still

So God killed the first born of each Mitzri until--

Pharaoh, who thought he was king of the trees,
And king of the air and the birds and the bees,

Said, "Get out, you Jews! Go on out of here, please!"
For Pharaoh, the King of the land 'cross the Nile,
Was no match for Hashem, who beat Pharaoh with style.

And today we remember how God set us free,
How He saved us from Egypt, so His we may be.
We got our first Mitzvah after that escapade
For a nation we are now, and so long we have prayed

That next year in Jerusalem our seder'll be made.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Stick to the Status Quo - shidduch version!

This song was written to be a part of Bad4Shidduchim's shidduch musical!

The parody is below but the real song goes like this (WARNING: some girls singing):



Stick to the Shidduch Quo

Yossi:
Take a look
There's nothin' but books
When I am in the beis and on a roll
But I've got a confession
My own secret obsession
And it's making me lose control

Other yeshiva boys:
Everybody gather 'round

Yossi(spoken):
Well if everyone's telling their secrets then I can tell mine...I have facebook!

Yeshiva boys(spoken):
What?

Yossi(spoken):
I have facebook! Statii, pokes, even weird dorm life pictures

Yeshiva boys:
Not another sound

Yossi(spoken):
Someday I hope to have the most friends in YU!

Yeshiva boys:
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
Yeah, to be just like us
Stay away from that shtus
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo

Malkie:
Look at me
And what do you see
Such tznius, it's beyond compare
But inside I am stirring
Something strange is occurring
It's a secret I need to share

Girls:
Open up, dig way down deep

Malkie(spoken):
Bright colors are my passion! I love wearing green and pink and blue and red!


Girl(spoken):
Is that even legal?

Girls:
Not another peep

Malkie(spoken):
They're just colors. Sometimes I think they're cooler than wearing black.


Girls:
No, no, no, noooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be frum
Then don't beat your own drum
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo

Out of towner:
Listen well
I'm ready to tell
About a need that I cannot deny
Dude, there's no explanation
For this odd situation
But I'm ready to let it fly

OOTers:
Speak your mind and you'll be heard

OOTer(spoken):
Alright, if they're all telling their secrets... then I'm coming clean! I want to live in New York!

OOTer 1(spoken):
No way!

OOTer 2(spoken):
Where is it?

OOTer 3(spoken):
In China?

OOTer(spoken):
No, dude, it's on the East Coast!

OOTers:
Not another word

OOTer 1(spoken):
Do you have to speak with an accent?

OOTer(spoken):
Shaw do!

OOTers:
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be down
Then please stay out of town
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quoooooooo

Everyone:
No, no, no
stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo

Shadchan 1:
This is not what I want
This is not what I planned
And I just gotta say
I do not understand
Someting is really

Shadchan 2:
Something's not right

Shadchan 1:
Really wrong

Shadchans:
And we gotta get things
Back where they belong
We can do it

OOTer:
Gawta stay!

OOTers:
Stick with what you know

Shadchans:
We can do it

Malkie:
Colors hooray!

Girls:
She has got to go

Shadchans:
We can do it

Yossi:
Poke away!

Yeshiva boys:
Keep your voice down low

Everyone:
Not another peep
No, not another word
No, not another sound
No

Shadchan 1:
Everybody quiet!

Girl 1(spoken):
Why is everybody staring at you?

Girl 2(spoken):
Not me, you.

Girl 1(spoken):
Because I have a blog? I can't have people staring at me! I really can't!

Everyone:
Noooooooooooooo, no, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
Yeah, to be just like us
Stay away from that shtus
Don't mess with the flow, oh no
Stick to the status quooooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be frum
Then don't beat your own drum
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status
stick to the status
Stick to the status quo

Alternate third section:

New Yorker:
Listen well
I'm ready to tell
About a need that I cannot deny
Dude, there's no explanation
For this odd situation
But I'm ready to let it fly

NYers:
Speak your mind and you'll be heard

NYer(spoken):
Alright, if they're all telling their secrets... then I'm coming clean! I want to live in Dallas!

NYer 1(spoken):
Awesome!

NYer 2(spoken):
Where is it?

NYer 3(spoken):
In China?

NYer(spoken):
No, dude, it's like down in Texas!

NYers:
Not another word!

NYer 1(spoken):
Do you have to speak with an accent?

NYer(spoken):
Y'all know it!

NYers:
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be down
Then don't go out of town
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo!


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Bedikat Chametz meets Lewis Carroll


Chametz Hockey
(from Through the Egypt-Land and What the Jews Baked There)

'Twas brillig, and the yeasty loaves
Did higher and higher make their way:
All risen were the cookie cloves
And the cake crumbs did stay.

"Beware the Chametz hock, my son!
The toasted bread, the pies that crunch!
Beware the pasta strands, and shun
All of these things for lunch!"

He took his light and spoon in hand:
Long time the crumbly foe he sought --
So rested he by the den TV,
And shteiged a while in thought.

And, as in Jewish thought he slouched,
The Chametz hock, with floury dress,
Came peeking out from 'neath the couch
And validated his bless!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The light and spoon went seek-'n-scoop!
He caught it dead, and with the bread
He went galumphing back.

"And hast though caught the Chametz hock?
Come to my arms, my shtarkish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He schepped lots in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the yeasty loaves
Did higher and higher make their way:
All risen were the cookie cloves
And the cake crumbs did stay.



And, advice from Trademark (my sister): (wisely) Erachet, you need to learn the Ways of the Garage. I wonder what these so-called Ways could be?
Now I have secret, hidden text like on SerandEz!